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folder 22 - 012

12.

really real; it's he who impinges on us, not world.

I have isolated + defined at last the death-dealing streak in me: it is rebellion. I am wild, _+ would be tame._ (meek.) I recapitulated our original sin: rebellion, which is nothing more lofty than resentment I okay God to break me, sincerely. I have cut through all the layers + am down to the primordial core: strifes, nor love; thanatos, nor eros. One can go no further. It is killing me, this primordial evil in me. God help me. [PKD writes in *German*].

Zebra is superior to world, capable of "melting" it; this either reduces world to something like mere illusion, or elevates Zebra to the level of lord. I had drawn the former conclusion, but now I see + draw the latter, instead. However, to recognize world as illusion or "hologram" is an indirect way of recognizing the _absolute_ reality - supremacy - of Zebra, whose _absolute_ existence I never doubted. This should have told me from the start who Zebra is: "I am he who causes to be." That he weaves the hologram was evident to me from the start. Still, I see a technology involved. But before that I saw immanent deity. I think I was right. What about Zebra as invader? God, maybe transcendent _in-breaking_ into his own creation! For the historic events of 1974, as stipulated in


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