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10-21-80
9

This doesn't fit Christianity at all, even Gnosticism. Then VALIS alludes to a vast mystery understood by the Orphics, Plato, Plotinus and Pythagoras; but no one knows about it now. Jane Harrison's book makes clear that Orphism was a conscious effort to get you up out of realm #4 and back to a unitary soul as eidos in realm #3, and this carries over into Platonism ... but what a dreadful secret lies here, one I am just beginning to glimpse. And what dimensions salvation has! For you to be unified again ... could Jesus have known about this? There is no indication of it. I see; the One became Nous; unity was lost; with each lower realm came more multiplicity, and here we are, splintered into a thousand fragments in this spatiotemporal, atomized realm; not just the realm atomized but each of our souls. What a fate. Gnosis or a savior is needed, or both; this is a dreadful condition; the Judo-Christian theme of the Fall underestimates its dreadfulness. Not just the Godhead fell into plurality (sparks) but each individual soul did, too. So Thomas was another portion of me, of my soul, rejoining the part that PKD is; two parts --did this comprise a whole, a totality? Or are there other parts still missing? And the AI voice; is that my unitary intact soul in realm #3? I think so.
The Gnostics are right; our primordial mistake was to take the spatiotemporal world as real. That's it. The Fall lay there. It was an intellectual error and I reversed it in 2-3-74; this is what 2-3-74 consisted of; I no longer took it as real. Hence my ten volume meta novel is on the right path.

10-22-80

As of late last night my emotions (affective self) moved into synch with my intellect (as engaged in this exegesis), and the result was that I surveyed a world-picture of such bleakness that it was for a time beyond my capacity to bear. I saw and understood suffering, not just intellectually, not just emotionally, but fully, with complete comprehension. Today I have thought about it, and the only attitude that can or should be brought to bear is a stoic one, in fact a heroic one, a facing of this bleakness unflinchingly, with no attempt to flee from it as a vision or existentionally, as a way of being in the world. It is a view of the weary wheel of Buddhism; it is the Buddha's view of absolute suffering and the need not to be reborn, to get off the

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