The journey, the Quest, ends successfully not in assertion but in silence. & among the things I know is why, i.e. why that has to be.
Without knowing it during the years I wrote, my thinking & writing was a long journey toward enlightenment. I first saw the illusory nature of space when I was in high school. In the late forties I saw that causality was an illusion. Later, during my 27 years of published writing, I saw the mere hallucinatory nature of world, & also of self (& memories). Year after year, book after book & story, I shed illusion after illusion: self, time, space, causality, world -- & finally sought (in 1970) to know what was real. Four years later, at my darkest moment of dread & trembling, my ego crumbling away, I was granted dibba cakkhu -- &, although I did not realize it at the time, I became a Buddha ("the Buddha is in the park"). All illusion dissolved away like a soap bubble & I saw reality at last-- &, in the 4 1/2 years since, have at last comprehended it intellectually -- i.e. what I saw & knew +& experienced (my exegesis). We are talking here about a lifetime of work & insight: from my initial satori when, as a child, I was tormenting the beetle. It began in that moment, forty years ago. No one can