folder 02 - 066
say it came glibly or easily. What I saw between 2-74 & 2-75 -- look how much labor + study were needed to obtain a mental conceptualization of that year's experience! & how I must not speak -- the final cost -- the great sacrifice, payment: not of my intellect but of my voice. It is as if you have a choice between knowing + speaking; & I wished to know. & was granted that wish. & I am willing to pay the price: that of silence - not about, as with Wittgenstein, what I don't know but what I do. There is & has long been a great obscure battle raging, & I played out my part -- successfully. The war goes on. If I talk I jeopardize our hopes. There must be others like me, as I wrote supra, the true Buddhas are silent, which means invisible & unknown: "die stille im Lande". It has to be this way, for us to win. This exegesis turns out to be my memoirs - my private memoirs.
I just realized: in (3-74) re the xerox missive -- intervention broke my karma (what I've been calling determinism) &, my karma being broken, I am released from the wheel of rebirth - which is why I dreamed about my name being entered in the "hotel" register. I was freed -- released, (recalling a "former life" fits in with this).
What I've been calling "astral determinism" is karma, more properly. At the time (3-74) I felt something which completely controlled the break. I
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