folder 53 - 023
It is simply extraordinary that amid all my confusion I went on and wrote "DI" as the sequel to "Valis" & explicitly declared Valis to be the God of Moses: YHWH, for in "Valis" this is neither stipulated nor even speculated about. In fact, YHWH is defamed -- bipolarized to the Logos: stated to be irrational. But what comes of this, finally? Not Gnosticism at all, but a presentation of the vast Dialectic within God that Boehme & Schelling & Whitehead speak of -- that Tillich fears so important in the understanding of God as he really is.
It is simply impossible, what I've done -- experienced the God of Moses, which involved me in madness & brought me to the verge of physical death, survived & wrote about it.
Now, I ask why this theophany? Pronoia was indubitably a major factor. However, the material in "Tears" indicates strongly that my writing is a factor. I did manage to write it up - one must include all three volumes of the Valis trilogy, here. Also, I have sought to write about God for years (this especially includes "Stigmata" in which I encounter the demonic side of God).
"Valis" is a very Great Book. & the inchoate quality only points to the veracity & the power of the vision (experience) on which it is based -- as John Clute so clearly recognized! All the side-trips, all the speculative & theoretical excursions, the asides, etc. in "Valis" only make it more convincing, more real. (as Art Spiegelman realized: that I neither know what in fact happened nor presume to say.) Clearly, all this happened, & clearly it almost destroyed & consumed me, & yet like Horselover Fat or
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