could now honestly discount his hallucinations, which meant he recognized them as such. But, like Gloria, he now had a they. It seemed to me a pyrrhic victory. Fat’s life struck me as a litany of exactly that, as for example the way he had rescued Gloria.
The Exegesis Fat labored on month after month struck me as a pyrrhic victory if there ever was one—in this case an attempt by a beleaguered mind, to make sense out of the inscrutable. Perhaps this is the key to mental illness: incomprehensible events occur—your life becomes a bin for hoax-like fluctuations of what used to be reality, and not only that—as if that weren’t bad enough—you, like Fat, ponder forever over these fluctuations in an effort to order them into coherency. When in fact the only sense they make is the sense you impose on them, out of the necessity to restore everything into shapes and processes you can recognize.
The first thing to depart in mental illness is the familiar
and what takes its place is bad news because not only can you not understand it, you also cannot communicate it to the other people. The madman experiences something, but what it is or where it comes from he does not know.
In the midst of his shattered landscape Fat imagined God had cured him. Once you notice pyrrhic victories they seem to abound. -- Either he had seen God too soon, or he had seen him too late. In any case it had done him no good at all in terms of survival. Encountering the Living God had not helped to equip him for the tasks of ordinary endurance, which ordinary men, not so favored, handle. -- Men and the world are mutually toxic to each other. But God—the true God—has penetrated both, penetrated man and penetrated the world, and sobers the landscape. But that God, the God from outside, encounters fierce opposition. Frauds—the deceptions of madness—abound, and mask themselves as their mirror opposite: pose as sanity. The masks, however, wear _____ the madness reveals itself. It is _____
I saw my little saint statue grow grape vines, + heard either Erasmus the greatest Greek/Biblical scholar of the humanists or it was Dionysos. The Joy God. Look how I ended my U.K. speech with that verse of Pindar. Underlying "Tears" there is more than Acts; there is also "the Bacchae" + I have known this all along: the King of Tears destroyed by the stranger - the prison burst! + Hoffman's theory that LSD was used in the Greater Mysteries - + John Allegro's mushroom theory about early Xtianity. Divine Joy - intoxication: permits you to see the truth: spatiotemporal world (i.e. the prison) destroyed. When I saw the second signal, the plasmate, etc in (3-74) I was intoxicated, not by LSD - it wasn't a flash-back - but by Camouflaged nature God - life form - Valis Everything must be read backward. Ecstasy is sanity. Sobriety is madness. It is the King of Tears who is insane. I'll tell you who stole the secret, smuggled it past the angels + placed it in one's - i.e. our - hands: He who we know of as Dionysos to Zagreus to Orpheus to Christ to the Paraclete where it then peters out.
There is something terrible + terrifying throughout "Valis" + it is coupled with wisdom. Agape is not the topic: war, judgment + death are, carrying out in full the dream in "Tears". It is all very convincing. The novel partakes of epic greatness. Also it is a story of madness converted into faith through -due to- suffering. But this suffering itself pertains to death, to slaying. Slaying: that is the basic theme of "Valis": + Shiva is the correct name for the deity. It is a very strong novel + a great, great one, a true epic of the human soul + spirit. But it deals with judgment + war + death. Slaying, not healing. The slaying even spreads out to include Sophia, who is the savior; the awful awesome power of YHWH is told of: it breaks out in all its destructiveness. Thus (I say) my 2-74-2-75 experience was that of Jakob Boehme + the dialectic in which the demonic power within God was revealed, + only the "bright" side of the dialectic -i.e. wisdom, Logos- confines the "dark" or demonic side to slaying the wicked + thus sparing the sheep. So (finally) I say: my experience was Boehme's, + it was of God himself, + he is terrible but just.
This is what I first experienced as Palmer Eldritch.
"DI" verifies that it is YHWH who is VALIS (based on my seeing the Tetragrammaton as I again heard the "... & is alive" statement). If VALIS is indeed YHWH, and it is, as I realized last night, & as the seeing the Tetragrammaton told me, then, all of "DI" follows "Valis" logically. The old King on horseback in "Tears" is YHWH.
This is why I saw Hebrew letters in 3-74.
1) 2-74 -- 2-75 was a theophany. Indubitably. 2) It is the God of Moses: YHWH 3) This in turn is connected with the Apocalypse, Daniel & Revelation (the Dream in "Tears"). 4) I have captured it thoroughly in words; not only did I experience a theophany by the God of Moses, but I got it written down in a novel that in fact is not a novel but a kind of modern-day Apocalyptic Book, like a fusion of Exodus & Daniel, literal events & symbolism: facts & visions combined.