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Now the significance of my "heimarmene" being abolished in 3-74 via-a-vis the Xerox missive can be appreciated; it represented the entire weight of the spatiotemporal domain, expressed as determinism. As fate and causal law. It is the rule of this realm per se; in fact in a sense it is this realm. This is what this realm does to you when you fall under its tyrannical power, even though it is irreal. So the tyranny is ultimately the tyranny of delusion, which is expressed in two ways: as karma and as maya. Now the results of not recognizing "Tat tvam asi" seem actually sinister, since you literally are other life forms, other humans and other creatures; you as primordial soul are splintered, exploded, over thousands of years and thousands of miles. "Tat tvam asi" is not a luxury for the languid philosopher or the special mystic; it is essential in the reversal of a primordial fall (our taking the spatiotemporal realm as real). (Hence falling under its rule, Fate, karma, heimarmene, astral determinism, planetary influences, the Law, etc.) The call by Sankara is imperitive. What must be recognized is a literal fact. All the horrors of Gnostic Fremdheit, Geworfenheit, of alienation and -- the prison most of all, and by delusion (maya). Now I must again consider "He causes things to look different so it'd appear time has passed." This implies an adversary, a deliberate deluding power to which we have fallen victim (as in Zoroastrianism). On the other hand, "The secret stolen, in one's hands..." that implies a divine Savior who performed this act for our benefit. Otherwise the secret stolen would not be in "one's hands," i.e. ours. The first sentence is ominous. It means that the deluding power of the spatiotemporal realm is deliberately maintained over us, by a kind of magician; this fits the dualistic religions, not Brahmanism or Buddhism; it is very pessimistic and sinister. No wonder I saw the dialectic; it is these two powers -- entities -- contending: the Liar (deluder) and the Savior. The spatiotemporal realm was for the purpose of ensnaring us (this is Gnosticism and Mani). But clearly the AI voice has ratified the vision of the dialectic; these two sentences point first to a cosmic Deluder, the other later sentence to a divine Savior who has stolen the secret -- which I suppose is the Gnosis, which is to say a revelation of the truth of our situation ...why, it was what Valis revealed to me noetically in 3-74; and Valis is that Savior! It was precisely what was revealed to me; I ask, "What is the secret that was stolen?" and the answer is, "A

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to what happened in 3-74: the regulation of the Yin and the Yang, i.e. the dialectic, by the Tao; the Tao asserting itself as master of the dialectic that makes up our world-order of flux and strife ("The Tao is what lets in first the light, then the dark" -- This has always stuck in my mind as the basic definition of the Tao). And this has to do with advanced physics; so Warrick is right about Valis and 3-74. Sentient physics. But also: Valis was my splintered self "imploding" back together, the pieces that had exploded over space and time reversing their direction in enantiodromia and re-collecting to form their original unity. Of this I am absolutely certain; but look: this, too, could be an example of an event of higher physics! (This is why time seemed to flow backward; and forward-moving time had exploded my self over thousands of years and miles.) This is why I had the distinct and indubitable impression that my own earlier thought-contents were coming back to me in the form of world -- e.g. UBIK and "Faith of..." etc. World was familiar to me as my own earlier mind. I never could explain this until now. It was (I see now) the re-collecing of my own splintered self as if time were running backward, turning an explosion into an implosion. So beyond doubt enantiodromia and other higher laws of physics perceived by the Taoist and Greek naturalists (pre-Socratics) were involved! I see! The normal process of self-splintering was reversed. And this reunification of self involved thousands of years and thousands of miles -- over which it had initially exploded, due to the nature --condition-- of self in this flux realm (space-time realm). This is a great realization, confirming intimations I've had since 3-74 but never could explain. Now I am totally convinced that Taoist, pre-Socratic and quantum mechanics theory is involved. And the key is: enantiodromia and Heraclitus especially. This can be tied in with cosmic oscillations as in "I am the breath of my creator and as he exhales and inhales I live." Enantiodromia/palintropos harmonie. The first space-time thing that returned to me was my most recent book, TEARS, and the world (Acts) in it where the main part of my Self had been exploded to. Then later came UBIK. The above paragraph is the most important realization of my six and a half years of exegesis. Out of this, as the Taoist alchemists knew, comes longer life (immortality) and health; it is embryonic breathing (v. supra). Because

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in his "Ode." I must face it: my ancient missing Soul --because that is what I had lost (and I'm sure Eliade would agree; it was my Soul)-- came from God and Christ; the Christian "magic" is true; Christ is real, and my missing soul remembered God and Christ and all the sacraments, as if it had come freshly from the Pleroma... which I think it had. This may be the bottom line of the what, even though Neo-Platonism and Platonism is the how. It was born --incarnated-- in me exactly as a Soul is born --reincarnated-- in a newborn baby; except that I was full-grown. This is literally being "born again." What the Christians don't know or don't say is that metapsychosis is true, that a Soul can enter a fullgrown body as well as that of a fetus (but this is extraordinarily rare; and the key to it is that the Soul is the person's own, which he lost in the Fall, in primordial times; it is himself returning; the explosion and splintering involved in the Fall is reversed; that is why this particular Soul seeks him out; but none of these things are known or told by the Christians regarding being "born again" or "born in the Spirit" or "born from above"). (It is important to realize: this being born again restores the original intact wholeness and unity lost in the primordial fall that occurred before the person's lifetime.) So when a baby is born it remembers its former life, as Thomas did, but the brain is underdeveloped and the baby forgets before it can speak about such things, before it can communicate to others the details of its former life... this is what Wordsworth so perfectly captures in his "Ode." The Cosmic Christ is so-to-speak the father at this event (I mean the second birth); and the person involved, who receives the Soul, is in a very real sense the mother; this is why I felt myself to be female, and thought of interspecies symbiosis. I should say here that once again I am brought back to the very real possibility that Valis was the Cosmic Christ; he acted in his role as High Priest at what is the ultimate sacrament of Christianity: the second birth or birth from above or birth by/in the Spirit. The restoration of intactness, the return of the lost Soul. This is what it was for PKD, but for Thomas it was resurrection --in the flesh-- and immortality; this is the Christian "magic" or technology: utilizing Plato's anamnesis deliberately, availing themselves of a calculatedly-engrammed disinhibiting sign (signal). Hence it is proper to speak of Christianity as a mystery religion, like Orphism.

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I cannot say that I have found moksa, enlightenment. I do not understand what I saw and what happened in 2-3-74. Something helped me. Who? Oddly, although I don't know who I do know why (since the AI voice told me that). I chased after reality, and how far did I actually get? "Ti to on?" the pre-Socratics asked. Perhaps it is the wrong question. An odd thought came to me. I end my exegesis with something --what I call a surd because that is what it is-- that can't be fitted into an otherwise satisfactory system. This one thing is simple. No elaboration of it seems possible, no implications extracted and elaborated. It makes me think of Dante's semplice lume. And my exploded morphological structure reminds me of Dante's description of God as the Book of the Universe whose pages are scattered throughout the universe. I beheld leaves within the unfathomed blaze Into one volume bound by love, the same That the universe holds scattered through its maze. Substance and accidents and their modes became As if together fused, all in such wise That what I speak of is one simple flame.

11-2-80

About all I can see clearly is that 3-74 was a heroic act that consisted of the overcoming of fate. "We can be heroes for just one day," to quote Bowie. It all has to do with waking up long enough to perform one action, to make one change, before you sink back down into sleep, before you again forget. One change (in the programming?) is enough; it is decisive. Where are we? Is this like UBIK or MAZE or STIGMATA? The AI voice speaks from outside; we are inside. Anyhow: In my notes last night I defined the purpose underlying all religions as: freeing the person from the tyrannical rule of the world (called variously heimarmene, astral determinism, karma, fate, DNA programming, the planetary powers and the Law). What possibly, then, could serve this purpose better than Plato's anamnesis, in which the reality of the universals (eide) is realized, and the mere seeming of the spatiotemporal world, it being only accidents. This realization achieved through anamnesis only --it can come in no other way by no other means--permits the heroic deed described above,

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He has a sudden, unexpected advantage over Fate: he has recognized it for what it really is + because of this recognition + because of what it really is, he has decisive power over it. Their relative positions of power are now reversed, if he will only act. This is a Faustian conception of man, + a reinterpretation of the true purpose of religion: to provide one with this decisive power (i.e. to save or extricate or free or enlighten or awaken or cause a rebirth, etc.; the phrasing varies) over Fate or the world or death. (Or sin etc.) (Or Satan.) In my formulation Xtian salvation, Sankara's "Tat tvam asi" + Buddhist Moksa + release from the wheel, + Gnostic triumph over heimarmene, the same with the mystery religions - all are implied - it underlies them all. Since each person has only one Fate, this moment comes once + once only in a lifetime. He must act or die. + if he listens in the silence of the night he will hear the voice of his own heroic self, his own pure intelligence, speaking to him, telling him what is the true state of things, since his heroic self pitilessly sees things as they

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