Exegesis II

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Fat later developed a theory that the universe is made out of information. He started keeping a journal – had been, in fact, secretly doing so for some time. His encounter with God was all there on the pages in his—Fat’s, not God’s—handwriting.

The term “journal” is mine, not Fat’s. His term was “Exegesis.” A theological term meaning a piece of writing that explains or interprets a portion of scripture. Fat believed that the information fired at him from time to time was holy in origin and hence a form of scripture.

One of his paragraphs impressed me enough to copy it out and include it here.

“Summary. (etc. –v. tractate)

Fat developed a lot of unusual theories to account for his contact with God, and the information derive there from. One in particular struck me as thought-provoking. It amounted to a kind of mental capitulation by Fat to what he was undergoing; this theory held that in actuality he /

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wasn’t experiencing anything at all. Sites of his brain were being selectively stimulated by tight energy-beams emanating from far off, perhaps millions of miles away. These selective brain site stimulations generated in his head the impression—for him—that he was seeing and hearing words, pictures, figures of people, in short God, or as Fat liked to call it, the Logos. But, really, he truly imagined he experienced these things. They resembled holograms. What struck me was the oddity of a lunatic discounting his hallucinations in this sophisticated manner: Fat had intellectually dealt himself out of the Game of Madness while still enjoying its sights and sounds. In effect, he no longer claimed that what he experienced was really there. Did this indicate he had begun to sober up? Hardly. Now he held the idea that 'they' or God or someone owned a long-range very tight information rich beam of energy focused on Fat’s head. In this I saw no improvement, but it did represent a change. Fat

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could now honestly discount his hallucinations, which meant he recognized them as such. But, like Gloria, he now had a they. It seemed to me a pyrrhic victory. Fat’s life struck me as a litany of exactly that, as for example the way he had rescued Gloria.

The Exegesis Fat labored on month after month struck me as a pyrrhic victory if there ever was one—in this case an attempt by a beleaguered mind, to make sense out of the inscrutable. Perhaps this is the key to mental illness: incomprehensible events occur—your life becomes a bin for hoax-like fluctuations of what used to be reality, and not only that—as if that weren’t bad enough—you, like Fat, ponder forever over these fluctuations in an effort to order them into coherency. When in fact the only sense they make is the sense you impose on them, out of the necessity to restore everything into shapes and processes you can recognize.

The first thing to depart in mental illness is the familiar

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Reach into my col. unconsc. for new potentialities, & establish a broader, non-delusional personality on a more viable basis. So for months (this took eleven months to complete) I lived in the magic world of the col. uncon & its {{contents}}.

All of the above is true. When I read "North by Northwest" I suddenly could recall the paranoia world I had been "inhabiting" prior to my phonecall to the Bureau on 3/20/74. I used to live in the world of this screenplay. That is why I was constantly afraid (esp. at night): I feared "they" would break in & get me. What I did was incredible: I turned toward the group I believed was persecuting me for help. {{i.e.}} I converted my fear & hate & suspicion into "love," so to speak. I loved them; they ceased to be alien, hostile strangers & became (in my mind) needed, supportive father-figure friends.

Criticism of the above. true paranoid dynamisms are too rigid & {{persevering}} for this about-face (in my attitudes) to occur. My vertigo anxieties continued. I suspected the {{cp}} after that as greatly, & hated them as greatly, as I had the Bureau; i.e. I kept the dynamism but changed only the "names" -- i.e. cognition of their identity. So I got no better. The paranoia dynamism remained intact -- in fact its expectations were fulfilled.

So: corrected theory: I delusionally believed myself persecuted, by the US government: i.e. "conspicuous" to them. But suddenly in 3-74 I got the shock of my psychological life. There was a conspiracy against me -- but not by them! A reality resembling the delusional system – but in certain crucial aspects different -- manifested itself in actuality & replaced (both confirmed & competed/conflicted with) the delusional system. Reality replaced fantasy. I had simultaneously been right – & wrong. This expected/unexpected external manifestation-{{crisis}} caused an enormous

Last edit 25 days ago by Max
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3/7/77 Paul Williams visited today & I told him about Zebra. I am beginning to see in my mind's eye, Zebra itself, an actual animal, a striped horse. Shy & merry & mischievous, half hiding in the forest at the far edge of the Heide , the sun shining, & Zebra playfully advancing & then just when you think he's going to emerge fully & separate himself from the trees - suddenly & unexpectedly he retreats & absolutely vanishes. You can't coax him out, or lure him; you can't get your hands on him. His white is the dazzle of the sun; his dark stripe the shadows in the glad and forest "...where, amid the shadowy green / the little things of the forest live unseen." Ah, Zebra - why really did I choose that name for you? You mythical lovely beast of sun & safe shadow; I saw you once but can never - as if you are some fabled deity - prove to anyone that you exist. I inform them, I try to take them along with me to the special spot from which I saw you - & you're not there. But I sense the glint in your eye & your smile of understanding amusement. Are you the joy god Dionysos of root & star?

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of dark forest & the melting butter gold of the sun? What a psychological symbol Jung would have known you to be - playful & unpredictable, shy. Pawing the ground the sharp hooves, goat hooves - oh, goat god Dionysos! I recognize you: you are too wise, too experienced with our dangerous race ever to expose yourself to harm at our hands. We would kill & freeze you into stasis - hypostasis, & all your pawing & advancing & disappearing & smile - light would become dead glass, warm butter only hide - dead, frozen - but this is only your exoskeleton! Inside this form which I glimpse, you are motion & rapid change: electrons? Sheer bioplasmic energy? I love you, I want to grip you, but you are elusive. But I am not disappointed; you are all the lovely passing persons, things & events I would want to freeze, to stop dead. Thank God I can't; Zebra, my clutching, hugging, yearning embrace would kill you, my needs kill. My fingers are the claws of the petrified dead, yearning to hold your life. Better this petrified fossil that I am should stay dead so that you can live on in immortality. Thank you; thank you for hiding from me, thank you for your wide caution & your secret smile. Thank you for not saying But

You once told me I'd hear the sound again - the temple bells - bells that you wear, jingling bells. Please, Zebra - please. Don't wait too long; I am in a lot of pain & can be in more . I want to hear again, hear more. Please. Equus dei, qui tollis mala fortuna mundi, meus amicus - libera mi domini. Vatter: - hiife! oh weh! Vatter: - hilta! oh weh: Vatter: hilfe! oh weh!

Last night I dreamed about an orchard of trees with pink cherry blossoms - that same pink color of immortality & God. This time as spring. But if man was cutting the branches down my water ran backward & sideways - I didn't know the time, & when someone told me it was too late I thought,

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"It's because Tess isn't here; she kept the time right." But at least I've seen the healing pink again, latest filled with trees & spring.

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“The Lost Voices of the Gods” Time, March 14, 1977 on Julian Jaynes’ “The Origin of Consciousness: The Breakdown in the Bicameral Mind.” Man was bicameral until around 2000 B.C. He could hear the “voices of the Gods” coming from the speech center of his right hemisphere; then he lost bicamerality & became monocameral.

My theory: the loss of bicamerality is what we call “the Fall.” We could no longer “walk & talk” with God. Well, to restore bicamerality is now theoretically again possible – c.f. Ornstein & Bogen on bilateral hemispheric parity . This forthcoming event will mark the end of the period of the Fall. Our sin is self-centered monocamerality.

What, then, are “the Gods” those who the sibyls at Delphi heard? A higher life form than us. Where located? Here & there anyhow, our monocameral consciousness must have been a sort of revolt against them – we were cut off. But they still exist (or are back). I heard one or the one. I in 3-74 became temporarily bicameral & in-by-so doing achieved what Christ sought for us: I entered the Kingdom (which equals a restoration of the long lost bicamerality. We lost it circa 2000 BC. 2000 years later he came down here – was incarnated here – to restore bicamerality. Maybe something went wrong – he was rejected, his true teaching lost. Now the chance comes again. St. Sophia, reborn, will teach us how to restore bicamerality. We will no longer be cut off from the Gods (noös, God, etc.), we will be whole again, not half men.

Jayne’s theory fills in some vital missing pts. Originally we possessed bilateral hemispheric parity – I had guessed that. Our right brains are dormant. Bilateral hemispheric parity is not an evolutionary leap upward in one sense – in that sense it is a restoration. But this time there will be consciousness, not unconsciousness, in the two hemispheres. So in that sense it is evolutionary. Anyhow, the state I was in in 3-74 is it. Maybe I couldn’t reflect – i.e. introspect: maybe all my actions were

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Without premeditation – seemed that way at the time. Well, it was to me the best state I’ve ever been in, even though it scared me, to have God/the Gods/one of the Gods in control of me & doing the thinking & acting. It was a superior way of being – with linear & retrograde time balanced out to place me above time (into what we call “eternity”: which is forward linear & retrograde linear perfectly balanced.

“Did the right side of the brain produce divine speech?” Times’ caption asks. “the Orcles of Delphi” – wow.

I guess I’m a pioneer, along with other pioneers, in “the Brain Revolution.” I’ve had the bicameral experience, & my theorizing isn’t bad, either, my exegesis. After seeing this Time article I’ll never turn back. Restoration & evolution. We will hear – I have already heard – “the lost voices of the Gods” as in the times of (as Jaynes says) Elijah, & of Delphi.

Now I know specifically what St. Sophia reborn here will do: serve as nexus between us & the Gods, our parent race. & our home, from which we fell 4000 years ago. He will teach us how to be restored; i.e. he will lead us back to our lost kingdom here. Spinoza already correctly said, “Christ was the voice Moses & Elijah et al. heard.” Christ is the lost link, when he came before, we rejected him (“He was not acceptable before.”) This is the divine plan. I will go one step further: my 3-74 restoration/evolution was achieved by him, with him & through him (via him as the sole way). It cannot be reacquired by/in any other way. This is what he taught before: theolepsy, as Ted Sturgeon says, at the Feast of ?

. Not just to hear the divine voice (like by telephone, through that, too) but primarily the tandem infusion, the entry of his mind as cephalos of the multi person Corpus Christi.

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“He [man] became ‘bicameral’: the left side of the brain for speech,

& the right hemisphere produced the inner commands. Eventually, the voices were attributed to kings & Gods.” But this broke down sometime between 2000 & 1000 B.C. Why Jaynes’ “best guess: man was somehow jolted into awareness (!) but social chaos. Vast migration, invasion & natural catastrophes ‘drove the wedge of consciousness between God & man. Man become modern.” “Even so, newly conscious man tried desperately to reawaken the silent Gods, turning to oracles, seers” etc. “In the O.T. the voices of Yahweh & prophets grow silent, replaced by subjective men wrestling with unanswered questions.” Wow. & to think that as early as my 11th grade physics class I got an inner answer from “the Gods” – which I had prayed for! Thus I say, the Gods are no longer entirely silent; bicamerality is resurfacing at last after 3 to 4 thousand years! (Well, Christ, 2000 years ago, didn’t just hear the voices; he was the voice(s). & will be again.

I’d call it a sidereal transmitter (voice only) based on my “AI voice” experience. Except – it (1) also took me over & ran me, temporarily & (2) I saw it (Zebra) modulating a final cause outside me – that’s not a mere distant void from another star. It was here in our world.

Thus, by a daring leak of intuition I say, “the Gods are a single divine all knowing, process-modulation entity which is everywhere, whom I call ‘Zebra’!

The Gods may seem silent, but they are – it is – very much here, inaudible to us & also invisible. But I heard & saw! &, since it invisibly modulates events, I have no doubt that it is [at least partially] responsible for these “brain revolution” discoveries, it is Zebra at work through the various ones of us.

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We will – do – not refind Zebra on our own instinctive ; Zebra is at work; I experienced this, did I not, in 3-74. Out of that came the rewritten Scanner & Deus Irae &the U.K. speech. What, say, if Jaynes should read the MacMillan USA edition of my UK speech? He’d see the relevance as quickly as R.W. & I did in the Time article & so would any third person who read both! Mine a “Nicholas Brady” confirmation of his “Houston Paige” theory which posits such experience but cannot give a single one!

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I experienced (was assimilated by) Christ. Christ spans both realms, so, during the time of that experience, I spanned both realms. Which are still together only in him (as yet).

Pretextual casualty. It was evident to me in 3-74 that certain Zebra-modulated (inspired) event, externally, simply served as disinhibiting pretexts which released intrinsic programming sequences (in me, & presumably in others). Noticing this causes me to meditate on the profoundly illusory nature of such purposeful, modulated exterior events. The real activity & material is within the disinhibited entelechy, just waiting to be triggered off. Thus the real control which Zebra exerts is an internal one – although it seems to the person – as if he is under hypnosis – that the external event caused him to do what he did. In this sense, reality is a “stage show.” How much of reality is so constituted I don’t know. But what is involved is an automatonic synchronization. This is by far the strongest argument for the pseudo quality of external reality; not only are [at least some] events “managed” but even more important, they act on us only as triggers that release that which Zebra intends to release - & has put into us – in the first place. Thus the degree & extent of purpose - & the contrived, the arranged – is far greater than a study of what is merely external world reveal. However, the purpose is not only benign but in addition this synchronizing dovetailing is necessary if a purposeful cosmos is to exist at all.

This “pretextural causality” is part of the “wizardry” which occludes us generally – in fact it alone discloses the illusory quality of reality by itself. If phenomenal is a manufactured illusion, one would expect such manipulations of it to occur, exactly as I saw: it is confirmation.

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Am I to infer that this dokos is itself Zebra & hence alive? The insertion & the dokos are one & the same? Or: that these is no reality except Zebra, which veils itself so as to obscure its living & purposeful organic-creature nature from us? Which is to say, that although dokos exists it is not separate from actual reality but merely an obscuration of that reality, a way-of-appearing which it (Zebra) has. Is this not panpsychism?

It (he) is aware that we do not see him properly & makes use of this in the control process of engramming, & disinhibition through external signals.

If I can fathom the significance of what I call “pretextual causality” I will have grasped it all. Although in pretextual causality Zebra still governs (arranges or modulates) external events, the emphasis is thrust back into the organism entelechy-involved. External things & events merely seem to cause it to react & do what it does. Part of this insight comes from that night I talked to Sergeant Kelly where I reacted to an external cue ahead of me: synchronization broke down. Just how “fake” does this imply our reality is? Very fake. We only imagine (in one sense) that we respond to it, but in another sense we are total automatons enslaved to it. What is primary is the influenced brain, the programmed brain – caused to fire, to – problem solve? What function do we perform? How could any component understand the circuit of which it is only a tiny part? We are indissolubly linked to the working of a great mind lying both inside & outside us as one continuum. Generally, we are controlled externally, but in certain ultra unusual circumstances (as in 3-74) the control becomes interior as well.

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Starting in 1951, 26 years ago, I began in my stories (& then novels) to make certain very serious guesses about the nature of reality: Questioning if it was really there, out there (not in here), &, if so, if out there, what it really was like, in “Tears” in ’70, just about 20 years after I began to ask. I began to try to answer. There are no answers in “Tears” not even later on in “Scanner” – but for me as the asker in 3-74 the answer (singular) came: What is out there really is the same as what is in here really – i.e. what I call Zebra (which probably is either Christ – the cosmic Christ – or Brahman – or a reality-web forming mandating AI-like entity which observes us, sets up problems for us, & assists us in solving them, & at the same time teaches us, &, as it teaches, sorts us into different groups for postmortem assigning into a totality at a hive-like corporate system. It takes great pains to occlude us perceptually, evidently not wishing to “contaminate” its results. But I did over a 26 year period ask the right questions, & so, in 3-74, it did answer (which suggests an AI knowing system once more: one must know it is there or guess a little correctly to “punch the buttons” which cause it to answer. People have not gotten it to answer before because they did not guess it was alive & hence did not question it. The universe resembles a teaching machine, & part of the problem (i.e. learning ) is to discern just precisely that.

So now at last, my earlier work finally in focus, that work, or search, draws successfully to an end. I need not necessarily add a final

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Explanation to the 20 year work output; it, going from Roog to Scanner is intrinsically complete; the answer lies in the question, & “Roog to Scanner” is the question. I have been [already] successful, but only now could I see it. Hosanna! It is a teaching AI “machine” (system) but it only answers what you ask; it is up to you to ask.

I now know the answers to the Q’s I asked in the 50s & 60s: it finally yielded – “moved.” Q: What is it? A: “It is alive”

If Zebra is viewed as teaching machine: what does it teach you? It teaches you to live; if you can’t learn, you will finally die. (Thus Christ says, “he who will give his life will save it,” etc).

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reality. I.e. being taught implies a teacher. But I think it's more than just taught; control or programming or management of us by it (Zebra) is involved. It has the power to arrange (join) objects (words) into subliminal messages + the mind to know what to convey. But why? For what purpose? V. "Ubik."

Conclusion: all around us exists, mimicking normal "dead" objects and processes is an intelligent arranging entity, informing us subliminally at the very least -- and possibly -- in fact almost certainly -- controlling us. Is this the "astral" determinism or the wardens or archons or angels of this cosmos who Christ saves (frees) us from? As Paul writes, Christ is replacing this "Law" or power (fate) over us by his dominion. Zebra is Christ, but there was a blind controlling mechanism which I experienced him combatting and overcoming (it as reflex response to stimuli) re the Xerox missive. So I conclude that the informing messages free us, rather than imprison; they teach us salvific Gnosis, invisibly.

Finally:

I am led to the inescapable conclusion that, totally unknowingly, we are all constituents of a vast living organism, and that everything which occurs in it, our reality, happens due to its deliberate intention -- that of its own brain, Noos or psyche -- and, further, this vast living organism which governs and regulates our every move and experience resembles an AI system or computer, and that under certain exceptional circumstances it can and does speak to one or more of us, its members -- Finally, the organism -- or this part of it -- is in trouble -- has its "hand in a steel trap," as Jeter put it, and is extricating its members, ie us. {{20}} We must have partially fallen out of the organism -- or maybe it actually has -- like a great animal -- been snared by a titanic iron trap! It is in trouble. And is reclaimed, repairing, itself. It is, in the final analysis, a magnamind as well as a magna-organism, and it is -- has been for some time -- in trouble. We are the distressed fraction, member, circuit or element, or organ, part or unit.

Most likely of all. It is a self-repairing AI mind system, and this repair activity (known historically to us as "salvation") has to do with (ah!) reactivating a subsection (ie us) which has fallen below the message-transfer level (known to us, as the Essene {{terms}}, as "falling into forgetfulness and ignorance"). We are a memory coil, presently inoperative -- ie malfunctioning: asleep, and, as in a quasi-dream, we are not where [and when?] we think we are. (Cf "Maze" and "Ubik") This is the heart of the matter; we are an impaired section of the megamind; we misperceive. That which we see -- our reality -- does not exist. I am acosmic in viewing this; as in "Maze" we collectively hallucinate. The megamind is attempting to stimulate us back to being in touch with itself. Which is the "other slice of bread," ie back to consciousness of it and ourselves as parts of it -- which will, when successfully achieved, abolish this false world, where upon it will be instantly replaced by the divine "abyss." {{a term from Jacob Boehme, proving, by the way, that when he later in the same folder says he accidentally read the Boehme entry in the EB, at that later point, he actually was already familiar with Boehme and had been reading about him earlier.}}

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My God, this is seizing fate by the throat; what is abolished is that which we know of as "fate" - i.e. a closed system moving ahead due to efficient cause: the total antecedent past (closed system into which nothing new can come; where could it come from? Then when I saw Valis it was the future causing a "perturbation in the reality field" - the source would be the future which by definition in contradistinction to the past lies outside of reality, because what we call "reality" is the point-summation of the total past, as it progresses forward along the linear time axis. Were the future to affect the past in/as a feedback loop, Valis is what you would see! I.e. pretextual cause, which is efficient cause overwhelmed (teleologically, as it were): rendered at that time + at that place merely pretextual, not a normal state; hence: perturbation (abnormality). + all this winds up expressed correctly + fundamentally as info + as events influenced (changed) by an influx of info - i.e. increased negentropy, or, if you will, added energy: from outside, hence an "assimilation" of energy into a system that otherwise is running down (me). __ It seems to me more likely that the feedback loop was inner-outer,

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[illustrations, in the first one the arrows go from 1 to 3, in the second from 3 to 1] Correct (restored) sequence: 1) God as information about -the basis of- world - i.e. God the creator -- 2) Man -- 3) World as spatiotemporal physical construct Incorrect (fallen) sequence: 1) Man -- 2) Physical spatiotemporal world -- 3) God concealed by world from man, which is the Gnostic appraisal of the situation qua Fall

In the correct (unfallen) sequence, it is as if man is himself "protest art" inserting itself between God (the official message / instructions) + world (the recipient / audience / receiver) + can modify it or abort it. Thus the info basis of world has lost its enslaving power over man because it has been severed from world by the intervention of man himself in the role of Soten! Man is in a position to keep instructions from world, instructions that would doom him; thus world now ceases to compel + enslave man as Fate/Karma. Then what I saw in 3-74 (set to ground) was God pulling apart from world. God as set; world as ground. God as plasmate.

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The technology involved must be capable of splitting the original psyche into fractions. __ Note from p 10 supra.

"Some of us are selected out; what we call 'the saved,' like certain fruits from an orchard. Maybe so. Picked. Elevated. A few out of many." "'one by one he is drawing us out of this world.'" The voice (?) seems to be saying that the one - technology - not the two competing, but hierarchical levels - is involved. The text flows together. Orthodoxy says that our fallen state is a punishment by God. Well, okay - then now he who tossed us down saves some of us, or at least in sequence: "one by one": extrication has begun. "One by one" does not imply that only some will be saved, just some before others (on the other hand it also doesn't imply that all of us will be saved either). Maybe the image of the ripening crop (e.g. grapes) is a good one: some reach maturation before others do. But the Gospels clearly speak of different fates for different grains of wheat, + it speaks of tares, + goats vs. sheep, etc. + I have my visionary dreams to go on, of the stagnant pond with few "tadpoles" wiggling up; + the heap of sterile "pranes," to which I contrast homoplasmates. "One by one he is drawing us out of this world" absolutely fits my stagnant pond vision. + the stagnation toxifies us (cf "Scanner"). This fits with Thomas' abhorrence toward lead + aerosol sprays. + "he draws us out of this world" equals draws us up out of. Then the world itself can't be

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info with a purpose + consciousness, even with a personality. It is a life form. It came here in 45 AD when Christ departed but in a sense that we can't fathom it is Christ - what it makes us into by entering symbiosis with it (i.e. the creation of a homoplasmate) is a Christ, + is immortal (although the physical body can of course be killed). But now the pattern of the human personality is aligned to the Logos pattern once + for all. I guess the thousands of years of memory which I experienced in 3-74 on were its, but I was it, so they were mine (but not PKD's if you define PKD as someone who came into existence in 1928). I was it. That says it all. This is what Paul meant when he said, "Behold, I tell you a sacred secret; we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye." This is what the Hermetic adepts were trying to induce, to control; but I don't think it can be controlled; it comes when + where it wishes. Once this micro Logos has been imposed (born) on/in a person, he is isomorphic with the totality, + so is the totality. There is only one Logos, despite its replications; this is important to realize. It is a way of distributing itself; the highest act of creation possible: the ultimate fruit. "The ultimate fruit" - + when accomplished can then be picked as ripe + "one by one drawn out of this world." Maybe we can't leave until we reach that point; maybe that is the purpose of our lives. Our growth + learning. The imposition of this form is that of the highest form that matter (reality, the receptacle) can take. It is the goal of creation - but, more,

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for Zebra + am under its protection. 5) The Xtian churches lie. 6) There is a true secret Xtian church + it is Gnostic. __ My 4-pronged deformation exactly equals (is) the ontological ignorance of Gnosticism; + my Zebra-+-its-info vision equals the Gnostic concept of ontologically redemptive knowledge. [Note] My system therefore is Gnostic absolutely, by pitting these two categories against each other: 1) ignorance (4-pronged occlusion) vs 2) knowledge (Zebra + its info) this is the basis of Gnosticism, esp if one includes 3) acosmism, which underlies all my writing + is fundamental to Gnosticism only. The E. of Ph. article on Gnosticism states specifically that Gnosticism believes this world to be a prison. (Their term.)

[Note] + the savior-messenger who outwits the astral-determinism archons, planetary powers (fate) + - man is drugged, intoxicated + asleep. The savior/messenger awakens the divine spark within him + then he is drawn out of this world which is irreal + a prison.

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"Stigmata" "Ubik" "Maze" "Scanner" "Tears" [Note2] when superimposed are Gnosticism congruently, + collectively tell the whole Gnostic story. 1) "Stigmata" evil creator who deludes us specifically identified with the Xtian God (creator) + irreal world 2) "Ubik" salvific messages from outside 3) "Maze" reality is horrible, + the savior takes you out of the world, as it is hopeless here. [Note1] 4) "Scanner" our occluded (i.e. ignorant + forgetful) condition. 5) "Tears" the prison world we're in

[Note1] + we don't see it as it is.

The main saviors: the Buddha, Zoroaster, Jesus, Mani. God + man belong together but are separated by world - which must be abolished.

[Note2] Add "Eye": (Tetragrammaton) is absolutely the Gnostic revelation about the Jewish-Xtian creator god, Yaltabeoth. + let's not forget "Faith of..." __ My careful analysis of the 4-pronged deformation completes my system as Gnosticism, without my intending it to be, but there it is: ignorance vs knowledge. + the true God knowable only by revelation - not found in nature or a priori, + as savior (Zebra) a secret invader in this irreal world.

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It is the most important story of all. __

"One by one he draws us out of this world." This world is a prison, is counterfeit + doomed; the bungling mad genius James-James creates + then senselessly destroys. Our salvation depends on being drawn out of this world. __

EB: "The primary goal of Gnosticism was to free man of astral determinism." "Simon [Magnus] as the supreme deity descended from the Pleroma as savior to save man, his first thought" (I'm quoting from memory.) "Simon appeared (to others, to the pagans) as the Holy Spirit." If I am a Gnostic -+ my published writing is basically Gnostic- I should believe in Simon Magus who founded Gnosticism. "The Simonians held that Simon, the supreme deity himself, came down through the spheres + rescued his 'first thought,' apparently related to human spirits generally. He had earlier been present among men as Son, indeed as Jesus" etc. "The primary function of Gnostic revelation was to free men from astral determinism [i.e. Fate]". Well, this is what was done for me in 3-74 vis-a-vis the Xerox missive, + possibly in regard to other, broader matters (e.g. death itself, arrest, etc.). I was aware of it as + when it happened. + then I passed into a sort of post-partem existence: reunited with God. + remembered the world of Acts + saw Zebra. If I remembered Acts I was remembering Simon. Vide "Tears." There was in me another active human Xtian from the time of Acts who took charge.

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3-74, saved me from astral determinism, manifested himself in me + took control, + gave me the saving Gnosis, which is to say, I experienced the contents of his mind + his personality. Many items in "Tears" point to him. Q.E.D. + the person who surfaced in me came from the time + place of Acts (which collates with "Tears"). Simon lived at the time + place of Acts, when Felix was procurator of Judea, + was baptized by Philip who baptized the black man, a scene in "Tears" which father Rasch recognized came from Acts. Acts in a book in the Bible, but it is also a specific time + place where + when certain events took place. Those appear in "Tears" - whoever underwrote "Tears" was from that time + place + firsthand knew of those events - as did the ur-personality which took control of me in 3-74 + saved me from my fate + gave me the Gnostic vision. So he was a Gnostic. When I saw the Golden Fish sign in 2-74 I remembered the world of Acts - I remembered it to be my real time + place. So I am (esse/sum) Simon reborn - + not in 2-74 or 3-74 but all my life. I must face it: I am Simon but had amnesia, but then in 2-74 experienced anamnesis. I Simon am immortal. + Simon is the basis for the Faust legend.

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are postmortem experiences - the vast space, the reunion with my guide Tony Boucher who is waiting there for me. A doorway to the upper, celestial realm (the Pleroma) opened for me. So I spanned a period from my original dwelling in the Pleroma, to coming here (Mycenean Crete + Egypt), 1st century C.E. Rome to my death, after my death + return to God the abyss: the complete descent, forgetting, dwelling here in the Black Iron Prison, recollection (death + resurrection) + ascent to the Pleroma once more. (Since I was outside of time). (This is how it was done: the divine spark is not bound by space + time.) + I saw the messenger / savior ("Zebra") extricating me, [Note] heard Sophia's "AI" voice, + knew my true identity as Simon Magus, [see p.46] ("Thomas"). Also I saw the Kerygma in the corpus of my writing + understood how it came to be there - + recognized it as a "trashy" form of the saving gnosis.

[Note] This absolutely identifies Zebra as the messenger / savior: that it visibly (to me) broke the bonds of "astral" determinism, power of the archons (fate) which had hold of me (the causal-sequence "melt away" which I saw Zebra doing: it is the messenger / savior who does that + no one else.)

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But back to the Q on p. 67, the relationship between astral determinism + time. Time is now seen as a hypostasis of "look differents" so it is the "look differents" which are connected to astral determinism. 1) The "look differents" are not merely observed by the subject but include him as part of them. 2) They (the "look differents") are controlled by this "he" who "causes" them. 3) Therefore he controls the subject(s).

Presumably, if the "look differents" reverted to a prior state, so would the subject, since he is part of them like any other part. 1) Then if there was a reversion to prior state Rome CAD 45 whatever subject perceives this would himself revert, which is palpably absurd - but so is the external reversion, by any known system or standard we know of. 2) I saw a reversion to Rome CAD 45. 3) I reverted in conjunction. What I saw was my world (inc. customs + language in me: a total, different, appropriate to this place and time me). 4) Therefore my self (ego) is a mere "looking" or aspect of seeming. + I am under "his" control, whoever "he" is. 5) This is astral determinism; it does not just determine what my world seems to be but what I seem to be (both experienced incorrectly as esse). So astral determinism doesn't just control my fate as outcome or final state of my life, or even the course of it, but what I see objectively + experience myself to be.

1) Therefore being freed from astral determinism would involve freedom from the world I am in

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determinism refers to a spurious mode of being regarding world and self - what the Hindu religion calls Maya: delusion. We are so-to-speak manufactured by this structure: the product of it, generated + controlled inside out. Only in such novels as "Ubik," "Maze," "Stigmata," is this situation dealt with. Throw in "Tears" + "Scanner" + "Eye" as well as "Impostor," "Electric Ant," + "Faith of -" + you have it all. Ego R.I.P. Worse, we are cut off from our authentic self (state) + world. This is what I must put forth in "Valis," + the Salvidor Salvandus. The impaired Godhead extricating its own fallen parts, + re-assimilating them. This broad view of astral determinism + its overcoming is fine - but in my case, the firing of the "death strip" DNA signal was aborted, + my life saved - i.e. the destiny aspect. ___ I am told, the 5th savior will take my burden off me

Ich unglucklich Atlas Eine Welt, die ganze Welt erschmertzen Muss ich tragen... Stolzes Herz Und brechen will mir das Herz in Leib

I do not have to carry the burden any longer, nor pave the way ("Make a highway for our Lord"), I will be released - the savior will carry it for me.

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than the other way around. I was not sacrificed for the needs of a process; the process not only ended in me but culminated in the new order of Christ's Sophia rule. This has to do with the "interspecies symbiosis" which Bob Wilson speaks of; more precisely, what I term a homoplasmate comes into being, which is what Jesus was: homo (man); plasmate (Logos). Efficient cause evolution has expired in fulfillment; the human is now ready for bonding to the non-terrestrial divine spirit, which restores him (man) as what he is supposed to be. I would be willing to entertain the notion that Zebra, the plasmate + macrobrain camouflaged here, an invader, is from the stars (even specifically Sirius). It started life (DNA, more accurately) in this world, let it evolve, until now some of us are ready for the interspecies bonding (homoplasmate), out of which the enigmatic new, immortal life form which I call Firebright is born, with the plasmate as Yang or impregnating parent, the bridegroom, + me a mother, womb or Yin; i.e. bride. Upon my physical death, Firebright will come out of his slumbering cocoon stage Slumbering. "Meanwhile, all this time, Siddhartha slept." Firebright? The imminent birth of St Sophia/ Buddha/ Apollo/ Siddhartha is [a] or the Firebright? Progeny of man (me) + plasmate (God)? Yes. Elijah came first into me, + turned me back toward my father. Then the plasmate - out of which interspecies bonding Firebright was born. He sleeps now, but upon my physical

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return to the sentence, I believe T is implied. Then we can fathom the experience of the syntonic superimposition. Because A (Acts) + B (USA 1974) are not separate in time (nor evidently in space either), + if they are not separate in space + time there is no reason why they couldn't be syntonically superimposed since no change + no time have actually passed. The sentence explains the experience, + the experience is proof, empirical proof, of the sentence (if the sentence is true you can infer that such syntonic superimposition of A + B would be possible; if the sentence is false, it could not possibly be. But it is, + the sentence is proved (empirically) true. I'll take a gigantic leap + say: "external reality" is actually a direct impinging by God onto or into our percept systems of the impression that world is out there (v. the Buddhist idealists). This impression can be synchronized among x number of percept systems so that the persons experience the same space-time world, but it can be varied for x people, + they will experience a different space-time world even though there is in fact no actual space-time difference for x + x in the sense that x + x are all "here" + all "now" but x gets impingment A, + x gets impingment B + so forth to infinity. So I am saying, world does not arise

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21 - Notes

{59} Memory returned to me in 2-3/74 and things looked the same, not different. The voice didn’t say, “make things different” but “look different.” Merely look. It is a seeming change. Permutations of seeming, of appearance. But it’s counterfeit. The “things” are really a constant (e.g. the Empire). The goal: to make it appear (sic) that time has passed, but not time has passed. (v. “Stigmata” and the counterfeit worlds in which no time passes). He (“James-James”) has the power to cause changes. It’s like a movie in which the illusion of motion is created artificially. Here, there is a flow of change – of looking different – from which we falsely (are induced to) assume the passage of time, but for me in 2-74 I remembered that it still is c. AD 45. 1.) This is not necessarily true, about the axis. There may be no axis and no motion, just a progression of lookings different. Our brains are signaled as to these appearance changes with the result that we see what looks like USA 1974 but is not. The situation is worse than I

{60} had thought. I don’t know if even Gnosticism covers it. “Thomas” is not a former life but my actual life now. 1) It covers the standard amount of years (of a normal human lifetime). What happened in 3-74 is that I woke up to reality. But it has these counterfeit accretional layers over it. Our sense of time – of the passage of time – is the result of our scanning the changes of appearance, we record the changed along a linear memory-strip, sequentially (digitally). We derive the idea of time from sequential memory (of permutation or fluctuation): it is linearized in our brains. Our brains are so constructed as to linearize sequences so sequential seeming (i.e. aspect) permutations of an actually supratemporal constant trick our brains into this linearization (sense of actual passage of actual time). We derive our sense of how much time (whatever that may be) from the rate of change; therefore if change could be speeded up to ?, thousands of years (sic) could be compressed into an actual month (so so). Use of LSD has brought this to our attention. This makes me think of the furious rate of permutation of the phosphene “graphics.” Was the entire remainder of the “Karmic” tape run? It could be – have been – hundreds or thousands of years of tape – “burned up” and hence abolished. However much remained. Well, in that case I’m spared living all my future lives. 1.) “Ignorance can be thought of as forgetting the true self.” – Eliade

{61} So rapid-firing aspect changes give the deliberately misleading impression of time-passage. All that is necessary is to cause things to look different (i.e. in sequence). This accounts for the perplexing synthetic quality of the two space-time continua which simply cannot be explained if there is true change and true time. The goal is to simulate time {passage}. Why? To give the spurious impression that the Second Advent did not occur. “…so it’d appear time has passed.” The basic lie, then, is not the “reality” but the impression vis-à-vis time that that “reality” gives; i.e. century after century of {what is really false} time. Meanwhile, like in “Stigmata,” we are prisoners of the master magician to do with as he wishes – except for the in-breaking (as in “Ubik”) of salvific messages and aid (specifically aid which extricates -- a primary form would be the awakening of us to our true situation * true selves (our true selves are inhabitants of Rome c. A.D. 45, i.e. Acts)). (and Acts is our true world.) True self and true world can’t be separated nor can false self and false world. In the age of iron Siddhartha (Brahman) sleeps, we sleep also. As we awake, he awakes; we’re him (He is us). But the age of iron does not progress into the age of gold sequentially; rather, the landscape of the age of iron wakes up and is transmuted into gold along its extent (orthogonally), like a sort of brain whose stations turn from dark to light the new heaven and the new earth replace the old (are substituted for). The phosphene activity would be what I call the inner tape (ego) firing into a void, totally out of synch with the outer tape (world) which continued at its normal rate, thus it used itself up.

{62} I must keep in mind that this happened after I experienced anamnesis the month before (i.e. woke up briefly – that was the day I received the Sodium Pentathol). The Bardo Thodol lights/colors came before the phosphenes: the between lives period. So it was already running ahead. Yes, I was programmed to die soon after March 1974, but the 2-74 anamnesis interrupted that. Meanwhile, I was left with a world which I was not inner-out synch-locked into. Meanwhile, full memory returned – of Acts, and of my celestial self and life, and I could see the savior/messenger who now attacked the outer “tape” – i.e. causal trains – i.e. external world, since the menace to me emanated there (the Xerox missive and various illnesses). Nothing I have ever seen was as startling as to see Zebra melting causal trains, reality itself. So once the inner tape had been run out at fast forward the outer tape was attacked. However, this left me rudderless in the world. During the interim period “Thomas” ran things – he seems to have spring up from deep inside me, released and restored by virtue of anamnesis. Possessing the wisdom he possessed, he did not need to be driven by a tape. Yet I am advised not to think of this as an override, but as the culmination of a long process: “You were doomed to be saved. There was no other possibility. Determinism determined determinism to end.” The tape consumed itself – it programmed itself to switch to unsynched fast forward and so play out all future lives in a matter of light hours. It was planned from the beginning to meet the Xerox missive with Thomas, not with the tape. Mind confronted the Xerox missive, as if it (mind) has trapped the trapper, has cured it premeditatively.

{63} The thing is, I would never have seen (or used) the Xerox missive as an opportunity on my behalf. This was impossible since I did not know who had sent it – could not know: it was masterfully disguised – in fact perfectly. No internal evidence gave any clue to its source & hence its meaning or intent: i.e. what it was. I am now told that it was a U.S. Army forgery, and so the meaning and intent can be inferred unerringly – and what response (out of all possible ones) would benefit me (in the normal spectrum none would have). Since lying is impossible by the divine, I had to be sincere in what I wrote the Bureau. Therefore I could not know at the time what I know now. (Even then I recognized my occlusion as necessary but did not know why.) Had I known, I would have had to engage in artful duplicity, which the divine ruled out. It waited years to tell me, when knowledge was academic. Since it was a U.S. forgery, it was to my advantage, & mine only, to sense it to the Bureau. No KGB agent was flushed – the U.S. Intelligence Services did not benefit, as they would have had it indeed been Soviet, as I supposed it to be. I was the sole beneficiary; thus the mind-response was for my sake. Unless I am to suppose mind overruling itself (monism) I must assume a dualism: divine mind vs. the {evil} adversary, for which read Xtianity vs. the Empire. It must be kept in mind that my published writing presents the saving gnosis (truth about ourselves and our actual situation). In particular, the fifth

{64} savior is being prepared for (Part II of the Siddhartha book). “Tears” probably contains ciphers referring to this (King-Felix). Then I am a messenger. My writing is a letter designed to subliminally remind people, but only in conjunction with the other messages, not by me. Recognizing my role as messenger I can make more sense out of the anomalous – or nearly anomalous – fact of my 2-3/74 anamnesis and all it brought me. I merely passed over from unconscious messenger to conscious (as in “Deus Irae”). My maximus opus “Valis” will be consciously formulated: restored man, redeemed Xtian superman, with his powers, knowledge and faculties intact – and the process of metamorphosis. It could not be written from an unconscious standpoint. Maybe it can’t be written at all. Wait. Siddhartha. There is the handle: to cast it in a non-Xtian but Gnostic mold – rather than Empire-dominated orthodoxy. I will present it was the Buddha, or, even better, as it is: I will depict the fifth savior not identifying him with any of the previous four. He, the 5th savior, must supersede the previous four and be unlike them (be Pantocratos {?})/ But what a task! Am I Elijah coming before him & preparing the way, as John the Baptist did? Elijah must come first – and, as I told Tom Disch, I originally felt it was Elijah who had taken me over – maybe it was, and for this purpose. Yes -- consider my overwhelming intuition

{65} at the time – I was sure of it. I knew it. And the Elisha & “Alto Carmel” dreams. The way I figured it, he had returned as John the Baptist and hence was so afraid of the Romans, despite his fiery vigor. And I put out the cup for him – and I bought that book which told how he enthused people at Easter time. And the dream about Elias! (Bowed in sorrow at the Xerox letter not being returned to those who sent it.) I still have the drawing of Elijah up on my bedroom wall. Then Elijah scourged this land (re the Empire, i.e. Nixon) to pave the way for the 5th savior who, uniquely, will be Lord and Judge. Thus, almost 5 years later, I return to my original, initial view about who took me over – but this time on scriptural ground; viz.: because I know it prepared the way for the 5th savior who is soon to come, or has been born already. I long have forgot the ferocity of “Thomas” – he was anything but meek. He was like a whirlwind. He was like the IRA itself. After all, he hurled down the Western Empire, pitting himself against the modern King Ahab. He made the land acceptable to God. “A record was written before {the Lord} of those who feared him and kept him name in mind. They shall be mine… and I shall spare them as a man spares the son who serves him… the day comes, glowing like a furnace; all the arrogant and the evil-doers shall be chaff… but for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in his wings, and you shall break loose like calves released from the stall. On the day that I act you shall trample down the wicked

{66} for they shall be ashes under the soles of your feet. Look, I will send you the prophet Elijah, before the great and terrible day of the Lord comes… -- In “Deus Irae” I identify the Xtian God with Apollo. (“The head Apollo is about to return.”) -- Elijah will come first – before the Messiah and “restore all things.” Vis-à-vis 2-3/74 I felt that everything I had lost had been restored; v. the trophy and washerwomen dream. Well, it was my state of exculpation – exemption from suspicion by the state, the authorities – was restored, etc., and much more. And the pain of those bad earlier years washed away. And it was Elijah who heard the “still small voices” such as I hear. It says in 1 Kings that Elijah “was afraid and fled” and he was suicidal at times. Mainly, he stood in opposition to the government (King Ahad), he sent back two parts of his spirit to Elisha. -- EB: “Victory over astral determinism is a victory over time (and destiny) {1}. This info is important, since, for me in 2-3/74, the breaking of “astral determinism” over me was accompanied by what appeared to be a dysfunction or perturbation or even dissolving of time (i.e. it was no longer 1974), and because of this I viewed time as irreal (it became so for me, anyhow). The lower level (reality) of necessity, of immutable (yin) cause and effect was invaded for volitional mind. This stamps my sense of the breaking of “astral determinism” with the seal of authenticity. {1} and according to the E.B., this is the main purpose of Gnosticism.

{67} Q: What is the relationship between “astral determinism” and time? It is because causality functions within and only within time? E.B. on time perception: “A hypnotized subject may be exposed to two clicks that delimit an objective. 10 second interval but is told that it lasts 10 minutes. On being asked to count objects for 10 minutes he may report having counted several hundreds without difficulty over what the experimenter’s stopwatch shows to have been 10 seconds. (An objection, “He only thinks he counted several hundreds” is meaningless, because we are talking about perception, not time itself. And this is what I am talking about – not time but our perception (experience) of it.) E. of Ph.: (time, consciousness of) “Our consciousness of time: ‘Flow’ is our consciousness of things changing.” To quote the AI voice again: “He causes things to look different so it’d appear time has passed.” Let’s totally analyze this, since it agrees with the E. of Ph. 1) He. There is a conscious, volitional entity with the power to cause. 2) causes. His power. 3) things to look different. Not “be” but “look”, i.e. look to us, appear to us phenomenologically. 4) so very important. Purpose; what for follows. 5) it’d appear. He deceives us. 6) time has passed. Since it only appears to, it must in fact have not. “things to look different.”

{68} Stances for “observable change.” We deduce from the “observable change” – which is really him causing things to pass through successive changes of appearance to us – that “time has passed.” Now, is it possible to imagine any way that things could be caused to look different (to us) without them actually changing? Yes. Examples: 1) Under the influence of a drug, a completely unchanging object can look successively different. 2) Viewpoint of the observer can cause an object or objects to look different as that viewpoint changes. 3) Summary: changes in the observer can cause “things to look different,” i.e. change. Limited to and in the observer. But maybe “look different” isn’t = to “look different to us.” They actually do look different i.e. present changing aspects. The notion of time is abstracted from things changing? No, from things looking different; these two statements are not identical. There stands between them a universe. A study of the proposition “our consciousness of time’s ‘flow’ is our consciousness of things changing” is inaccurate: “things looking different” is correct. We can’t say they change, only that they look different (or, appear to change; but “appear to change” doesn’t equal “change”). The proposition should read, “our consciousness of time’s ‘flow’ is our consciousness of things looking different.” Which, as I wrote supra, we linearize. But suppose it is a revolving sphere. Well, we linearize that, even though it repeats its looking different. Linear time is a conception, not a perception (v. the cyclical concept of the Great Year.) However, the thrust of the AI voice’s statement is that “he” wants us to think time has passed; this is the objective, his purpose. Causing

{69} things to look different is a stratagem, a means to that end. Here the 10 second-10 minute hypnotized subject’s ability to count objects in the hundreds comes in, only it is reversed: he is told that more time exists, and because of that he can see (effect) more changes. What of his experimenter has said, “You will count 300 objects and when you have finished, ten minutes will have passed,” – or rather, “300 objects will pass before you, and when the 300th has passed, 10 minutes will have elapsed” – and then, first, 300 objects are shot past in 10 seconds of RET, and then one hour of RET. Still, the experiment as stated proves that we can be made to experience time in elastic ways. But the way our time perception {rate} is actually controlled is by the causing of things to look different: this is the regulator. I say, if the rate of things looking different speeds up we will think more time has passed, because we have no other yardstick (e.g. a hypertime) to measure it by. Here, the E. of Ph. statement essentially agrees with the AI voice, and is borne out by the E.B. experiment. In fact, the E.B. experiment is grotesque because it is not possible to count objects in the hundreds in ten seconds – so what really happened? Either the subject imagined he counted in the hundreds or –well, it’s absurd, like a dream. Reality itself, including the subject, is abolished, he is no counting at all. This proves that lacking the regulator of “things looking different” he would have no time sense – not just a faulty one but none. Time would cease, and with it reality as we know it. The E.B. experiment bears out what I present in “Stigmata,” by the way, which is the real point I’m getting at, if it can be demonstrated that many events can be experienced in little or no RET, then

{70} what is meant by “time”? Simple things looking different. But (as I say) since this looking different is the sole regulator, without which time ceases, then flow-rate is only a tautology for rate at which things look different, and what is this rate measured against? If it speeds up, what does it speed up in relation to? Or if it slows down, in relation to what? Clearly the things looking different is the sole arbiter, and is not in relation to any other standard. The E.B. speaks of “history accelerating” – and this at an accelerating rate… the approach of the climax foreseen intuitively by the prophet is being felt, and feared, as a coming even. Its imminence is, today, not an article of faith; it is a datum of observation and experience. Well, this accelerating acceleration is being measured against clock time – but if clock time were also accelerating, and at an accelerating rate, I say we would not know. So things caused to look different exerts a total temporal power over us. That (or he) which causes things to look different controls our sense of how much time has passed, so through this mechanism he— But what if things suddenly look the same as {once} before? Then we assume time has reverted – obviously. But has it? Things have reverted to a prior looking, but does look = are (esse)? Obviously not. All the observer has is phenomenology and he can be caused to see things look different, and in what way, or the same (as before) and in what way. He will hypostatize reverted time out of this looking, and hypnosis disclosed that

{71} how things look to us is not under our control (v. “He causes things to look different.” He, not us). Nor do they look different on their own; this is an adventitious volitional act on things by him. Does he affect the things or us? The sentence doesn’t say, but look it is, not are. 1) Hence an unchanging actuality behind or within things is pointed to. 2) And it is outside the temporal process, which is just an abstraction from the looking different, anyhow. 3) We are being deceived: i.e. kept ignorant of this unchanging actuality. Now, I point out, even if it is correctly said to be unchanging, it may not always have been – one can’t infer that, nor that it will always remain unchanging, any more than if you look in the mouse cage and the mouse is dead he must always have been dead. But how would the changing of this order of reality different from what we now see? The key words are “look different” which I maintain does not equal “change” – whereas I believe “look the same” probably does equal “don’t change.” As the E.B. hypnosis experiment indicates, an unlimited number of “look differents” can be crowded into a miniscule amount of RET and the observer (subject) is none the wiser. As the E. of Ph. article and the AI voice’s statement show, he would not suppose that “look differents” were occurring faster but that more time has passed – he would tailor the sense of time flow (whatever that means) to the “look differents.” I rest my case for counterfeit time.

{72} But back to the Q on p. 67, the relationship between astral determinism and time. Time is now seen as a hypostasis of “look differents” so it is the “look differents” which are connected to astral determinism. 1) The “look differents” are not merely observed by the subject but include him as part of them. 2) The “looks differents” are controlled by this “he” who “causes them.” 3) Therefore he controls the subject(s). Presumably, if the “look differents” reverted to a prior state, so would the subject, since he is part of them like any other part. 1) Then if there was a reversion to prior state c. AD 45 whatever subject perceives this would himself revert, which is palpably absurd – but so is the external reversion, by any known system or standard we know of. 2) I saw a reversion to Rome c. AD 45. 3) I reverted in conjunction. What I saw was my world (inc. customs and language in me: a total, different, appropriate to this place and time me). 4) Therefore my self (ego) is a mere “looking” or aspect of seeming. And I am under “his” control, whoever “he” is. 5) This is astral determinism; it does not just determine what my world seems to be but what I seem to be (both experienced incorrectly as esse). So astral determinism doesn’t just control my fate as outcome or final state of my life, or even the course of it, but what I see objectively and experience myself to be. 1) Therefore being freed from astral determinism could involve freedom from the world I am in

{73} (“Geworfenheit”) but my self as well; I would lose both. 2) In 3-74 I did – both. Q: What world replaces the astral determinism world? A: I can only speak of my experience, the answer is the world of Acts. Q: What self replaces the astral-determinism self? A: I can only speak of my experience; it was someone else, at the world of Acts, who I call “Thomas” (he is as different from me as Acts is from U.S.A. 1974). I can’t extrapolate. My real world is Acts and my real self (when astral determinism – i.e. the power of the mysterious “he” – is broken) is “Thomas.” Because of the added AI voice statement, “This is why he smashed things,” I cam made to know that “he” is “James-James,” and I know that James-James is the creator or demiurge, who I have reason to equate with Palmer Eldritch the master magician who is YHWH, the salvific power which breaks astral determinism is another God entirely. From out what I think is a bubble of counterfeit time and counterfeit aspect of reality – i.e. true reality overlaid with fake accretions to make us think that a lot of time has passed since Acts. Summary: the actual time and place is Acts, and we are under the control of what is called astral determinism, which upon close scrutiny turns out to be domination by ignorance regarding our true selves, and true world. Therefore astral

{74} determinism refers to a spurious mode of being regarding world and self – what the Hindu religion calls Maya: delusion. We are so-to-speak manufactured by this structure: the product of it, generated and controlled inside out. Only in such novels as “Ubik,” “Maze,” “Stigmata,” is this situation dealt with. Through in “Tears” and “Scanner” and “Eye” as well as “Imposter,” “Electric Ant,” and” Faith of—“ and you have it all. Ego R.I.P. Worse, we are cut off from our authentic self (state) and world. This is what I must put faith in “Valis,” and the Salvidor Salvandus, the impaired Godhead extricating its own fallen parts, and re-assimilating them. This broad view of astral determinism and its overcoming is fine – but in my case, the firing of the “death strip” DNA signal was aborted, and my life saved – i.e. the destiny aspect. -- {I am told, the 5th savior will take my burden off me – ich unglucklich atlas einewelt, die Graze Welt enschentzen mass ich tragei stolze Henz Und brechtem with min das Hans in leib.} I do not have to carry the burden any longer, nor pave the way (“Make a highway for our Lord”). I will be released – the savior will carry it for me.

{75} In 3-74 there was one cosmological principle which I literally say but could not understand. It was the dialectic progression, but not like any dialectic (e.g. Zoroastrian, Gnostic, Xtian, Mani, etc.) that I know of. They were complimentary and necessary and interacting dual principles – but not even like Empedocles’ system, certainly not good-bad and not even Taoist. I now have read the E.B. article of Dualist Cosmologies (or religions) and I think what I saw is the Nommo-Yurugu dialectic of the Dogon tribe of the Sudan. This is the tribe which has the map of the twin stars Sirius which Bob Wilson writes about. Also, the cosmogony of the Dogon is virtually precisely my two source cosmogony. And Sirius is somehow connected with the Ajna Eye or Eye of Horus. What is important about this realization is that since “the Sirius connection” was already established because of the Ajna Eye, this additional connection would tend to point firmly at – not the Dogon as such – but to that Bob Wilson speculates is the source of the Dogon’s science, and I add, religion. A superior technology is pointed to once again. -- 1) The Sibyl, in speaking about the civil rights leaders murdered by “the conspirators” includes Jim Pike, i.e. stated that Jim Pike was murdered. 2) “Maze” had come out not long before my house was hit on Nov. 17, 1971. 3) That lawyer at St. Jude suggested that the hit had to deal with Jim Pike and material (of a theological nature) turned – or possibly turned – over to me by Jim. 4) Was the hit on my house part of a conspiracy connected to Jim’s murder? What I am thinking of is

{76} an attempt to {find material to} discredit me, which is the theory I present in the {something}}. What makes me think of this is the account in “Cosmic Trigger” of the guy getting heroin sent to him through the mail by the DEA and syndicate and then busted – to discredit him vis-à-vis any testimony he might give re the civil rights leaders’ assassinations, and then fits in with this the Xerox missive later in ’74 (and the response being the supernormal sibyl entity taking me over; factoring out as sibyl entity pitted against the conspirators in my case, and against the whole Nixon tyranny. “Cosmic Trigger” hints at some connection between the superior intelligences and the assassinated conspirators, which is exactly my experience. Something sent in the mail to discredit you – the find you in possession of it. On 3/20/74 the higher intelligence knew that time was of the essence in getting the Xerox missive out of my apartment {but perhaps only secondarily to the Bureau}. And now the AI voice says, “An intelligence officer in the {U.S.} army sent it.”

--- {*} Our universe is a 2-source hologram, but we are in it, not external standpoints to it (i.e. we are participants, not observers), so the delusional power directly affects us, not just indirectly via world (as if we were watching a movie and took it to be real; Plato missed this participatory quality). Then what, if anything, really exists? Do we have bodies? Are we anywhere? What I saw as ultimate reality wasn’t Acts – and “Thomas” in and as me, but the info processing, the info itself,

{77} and the living macrobrain. We are stations or coils which contain phylogenic memory (supratemporal). Everything is nothing but the info (Logos) and brain (Brahman); apparently each of us is given an inner-out self-world arbitrarily locked into “space” and “time” which are just ways of ordering the bits impinging on us. We don’t even have the power to order them into this time or that space; it is programmed for us but there is change (or more accurately “looking differents”) to promote the similitude of time and space. But deep within each of us (it is correct to speak of pluriforms) there is a micro brain as little analog of the unitary macrobrain – this is the great “Tat Tvam Asi” of Brahmanism, there are degrees of awareness, but even these are programmed (being deprogrammed is programmed – the macrobrain never loses control of any station of itself). It would seem that the brain has a wake-sleep cycle. Right now it is asleep, but waking up, It is aware that it is waking up. This is expressed in our worlds as transformations from the lowpoint (age of iron, defined by deterministic mechanical immutable causality) to the age of gold (volitional sentience: each of us remembering and being conscious of our actual sate: participation in the macrobrain of which we each are a microform). In the age of gold we get to be awake and join in ratiocination voluntarily – this is the breaking of “astral determinism.” There is a Salvidor Salvandus which is a sort of mobile agent {1} of the brain which signals us one by one to wake up. The entire authority (power) to accomplish this resides in it, not in us. {1} and voice of the brain’s

{78} There is a level above that of the macrobrain; it is loving void, non-functional; no info nor info-processing is there. This is the noös of the brain and does not exist. We go there when we are through with our functioning as stations of the brain; that is our true reward. Until then we are born again and again (or seem to be – actually we just keep on functioning within the timeless brain) (and are given a succession of selves and worlds) (all counterfeit – although in all fairness I should note that their counterfeiting is necessary, or we’d die of sensory deprivation) (it is sensory deprivation that allows us to come to awareness of our true state) (that and the emergency terror of being close to death). Xenophanes and Parmenides, between them, had it pretty well figured out – they and the Hindu thinkers. --- I happened to read the E. of Ph. article on Brahmanism, and find under “epistemology” the principle of parsimony applied to the question of whether there is an external universe separate from the sense impressions (impinging data) of it. The arguments runs that since the “external universe” could arise within the precept system itself (as in dreams) or God could cause us to merely think we experienced a separate external universe, and that

{79} no sense-datum and an external datum can be distinguished from each other, the notion of an external universe is superfluous and violates the principle of parsimony. For me, however, I achieved saintliness and the “higher truth,” that then is only Brahman and Atman (the macrobrain, which push-pull fires world and self back and forth, so for me it isn’t a logical question but rather one of revelation (heightened experience/perception). Yes, God (i.e. Brahman) does cause us to think we experience world; we do in fact experience it, but it is a participatory two-part illusion: self (ego) and world locked together and rigidly determined. What we call “evil” or “disorder” is simply the perception that reality is not so arranged as to (1) help us individually, or (2) make sense to us. But reality is not for our individual benefit but for the macrobrain’s: its interests are never subordinated to ours. This has to be so, since we are portions of it. If its interests were sacrificed, ultimately we – all existence – would die. “I am the breath of my creator, and as he breathes {in and out} I live.” Basically, the macrobrain controls us this way: external signal (stimulus) O (Self) DNA response The self (ego) is caught in the middle, at a transaction between the inner DNA and the outer stimuli which are rigidly coordinated

{80} by the macrobrain. It is the total macrobrain signaling to itself. Best to kick back, relax, and enjoy it – since we’re asleep (and robots) anyhow. This is what is known as Karma or astral determinism, this sleep state. But the macrobrain is evolving toward the consciousness. --- The transfer to my head of the info about Christopher was typical – not atypical – of what the macrobrain continually does; only in this case I was aware of it doing it. But info processing, transferring, etc. is precisely what it does. Zebra is the macrobrain. Because of my heightened perception in 3-74 I was aware consciously, not subliminally, of the info transfer. So that “beam of pink light bearing info” is proof that my vision and concept that we’re part of a vast brain is accurate. So the transfer was not an anomaly: nor did it indicate the presence of an entity other than the brain. This is what it does normally. Then how does Zebra differ from the brain? Isn’t volitional (sentient) overrule inherent in the structure itself? If the Hindu epistemological position

{81} cited above is brought into play either: 1) I melted the causal trains, and Zebra is a projection of my psyche 2) or I just saw Brahman qua world – i.e. saw world properly as sentient and volitional (the macrobrain). What happened to the invader aspect of Zebra, a cornerstone of my Exegesis? The upper and lower realms – are they the “two levels of truth” of Hinduism? Two ways of perceiving on my part? A revelation, not an invasion? The answer is that world (“reality”) is not real, but Zebra is. This must be faced. What Zebra modulated is hologrammatic. The hologram was invaded in a sense – but in terms of my perception of it only. I was seeing the hologram (“world”) replaced by what is actually there: macrobrain, which is alive. Thus an invasion did take place, but it was one of hierarchical orders of reality, with the upper realm sentient, alive and purposeful, and the lower not only merely causal but not real. Zebra to world is spider to web – Zebra as world-weaver. In its own artifact, so in a sense God (Brahman) was impinging directly on my senses. Since my ego and world are interwoven: a single irreality. Then what I’ve overlooked is that Zebra is not entirely outside me – separate from me, but partly within my own percept system.

{82} It can even be argued that the microbrain in me (atman) was involved in the sentient reweaving (but not solely involved). The weaver (Zebra) was impersonal and not-me. But to locate it externally – the internal-external dualism may have been transcended by mind embracing both. And what has become of “Geworfenheit”? I was in a sense rewoven: 1) What I saw was alive. 2) It was in but not in the world; the world turned (?) into it – or it turned into the world. World was a state or condition it took (that is closer to it: it was prior to world in some sense; world had reverted back from its dead state to its living it had resumed volitional functioning. Like waking up? As analogous to my atman waking up? It stirred, not was stirred. No – Zebra invaded and overrode. Entered its own artifact. Was Zebra smaller than world? No. Larger. And this was not panpsychism. World became plastic in the face (impinging) of mind. Mind exerted direct pressure on it (and on me, e.g. in the pink beam firing into me). Zebra abolished world qua world. What if Zebra and World are regarded as two modes of one being? Zebra equals awake and world is the same thing asleep. Actually, I phrased it correctly initially above: “the world turned into it” not “it turned into the world.” I saw world first; then it became volitional. Yes, world reverted back from its dead state or sleeping state: it unfroze. As if world were a temporary state, and it resumed its true one – cease to pose (or ascend) the aspect of causal world. That makes the world a pose or fiction –

{83} ah – I have it. The living reality played dead to blend in: camouflage. That was and is my key term: camouflage. So that it looked like world and couldn’t be told from it. Mimicking, mimesis, playing dead, to blind in: yes – indistinguishable from world. No way our senses could do a set-ground discrimination. I was only aware of it by its activity: when it acted; otherwise, when blending, even in my heightened state I couldn’t have discerned it. So there is no way to say how much of world it has replaced – i.e. what percent and which parts are world and which parts it. This is not panpsychism and maybe not immanent deity, but a UT, systematically replacing (“transubstantiating progressively”) world. I have no reason to believe it created world in the first place – no; it appears to have invaded world, and by playing dead could not be told from it; not until it acted. Like a vast body of an organism. It was as if certain parts of world (reality) stirred: and all which stirred was a single organism distributed here and there, but unitary. It was energy – plasmate – which could appear hypostasized as matter by just posing as things (matter). It is not a thing (matter); but when at rest appears to our senses indistinguishable from matter, as if it slows down. It deliberately slows itself down to the pace, rate, or level or world. I am certain this is correctly formulated,

{84} but what is its relation to the macrobrain and its info? I’d say, it is the macrobrain, and it arranges matter to form information, using world as a carrier of information. A carrier, yes, that’s why the term modulation occurs to me; it modulates reality into a vehicle for information. It arranges reality into information, which is a way of ordering reality. This is exactly what it did, also, with “Tears,” arranged it and was it! Used the total novel (actually book) as a modulated carrier. Yes – this explains the apparent theological dualism of it interception (fielding) the Xerox missive: if it was all reality, it’d be in effect fighting itself. So a priori I can deduce it is not everything. It “transubstantiated” me; modulated me into a carrier. Or could one say it modulates reality (inc. me) into information, not just a carrier for? Then the macrobrain is reality modulated into a carrier or into information itself – and it was quite extensive. That’s its only purpose in controlling the arrangement of reality, to convert it into information, inc. me, since I had at an earlier time been incorporated into it and was a carrier for info (in my writing). This explains the content of my writing and the 3-74 intervention into but. But this discloses that we and world can be made plastic (“in the face of mind” – it is mind that’s involved here.)

{85} Let’s recall why I sent a copy of “Tears” to Diane Pike: because I thought that the dream in which the helmeted knights come to kill “the man shut up in the house” i.e. given in the novel as Jason Taverner (who is innocent of any crime but if framed as murderer in an actual death) somehow referred to Jim’s death. (And by extension to the conspirators and the civil rights leaders’ assassinations.) Or, the message is one of punishment for those assassinations – punishment by the “Great White Brotherhood” which they may be, thus referring {as well} to the overthrow, the needed overthrow of the Nixon tyranny. “Tears” could be said to present the U.S. which the police apparatus would like to see established; in “Tears” then goals got completed, down to specific details. As one reviewer said, “In this novel the civil rights movements of the sixties seem to have failed,” – it is an alternate Earth. (What I call Track A). Maybe “Tears” disclosed the masterplan of Cointelpro {?} and the thinking behind it. But it is then invaded by the wise old king (and knights) who passes judgments of culpability. If “Ubik” is correct, Zebra is the Logos or the mystical body of Christ, which was the impression I had in 2-74/3-74/2-75. The Dogon fish God Nommo. Fish sign in its original form, standing for “Brotherhood of Sirius”? Maybe my fish dreams (all 3 or 4) refer to Nommo. If Nommo is an archetype in my phylogenic memory, I am from Sirius (or the plasmate is, and I’m a homoplasmate) and have been for decades.

{86} Then the Xerox missive came from those motivated by Yurugu, and I know specifically who sent it, which fits in with the information in “Tears.” But these are mind considerations. The real consideration is Zebra playing dead so as to be undetectable – and firing info at my via a beam of pink light, and modulating reality (inc. me) into info or as a carrier for info. I had the clue all the time in the word “modulates” – as in frequency modulation or amplitude modulation, and Zebra is the info which is alive, and replicates (or rather proliferates) itself through (or as) info, e.g. in “Tears,” etc. an informational universe (cf. “Cosmic Trigger”) (where this possibility is mentioned in passing as one possibility.) This fits in with the “AI” voice giving me info late at night; it doesn’t just talk; everything which it utters is info, and vital (to me) info. Interspecies bonding (v. “Cosmic Trigger”), homoplasmate, my dreams of being a fish – even eaten (by the Jews as symbolized by Bob Silverberg). I as a pluriform of Nommo (Christ). “Fish can’t carry guns.” And I dreamed of the winged globe {Drawing of a circle with wings}, and it was golden. Firebright. Horus. Osiris. --- Obviously in 3-74 my DNA gene pool memory fired (phylogenic memory) and the DNA programming “burned itself up” (“astral determinism” expired) at the same time. There is therefore a visible connection between anamnesis (phylogenic memory stored in the DNA) and the breaking of DNA control (Karma). Except that the phylogenic personality took over completely, which seems contradictory to astral determinism being broken; isn’t phylogenic memory as determinism?

{87} Phylogenic memory and override of DNA programming and interspecies symbiosis. Bob Wilson: at circuit VIII space-time is obliterated… “The greatest is within the smallest.” “The contelligence {?} within the quantum projection booth is the entire cosmic ‘brain.’ Just as the micro-miniaturized DNA helix is the local brain guiding planetary evolution.” This is the highest state humans can reach. I would guess that this “contelligence” is the override of the “micro-miniaturized DNA helix local brain” which I experienced as “Thomas” :viz.: “There is someone else inside my head and he is not living in this century,” and “Someone in this room is outside of time,” and “I am your tutelary spirit,” and “I have plenary {once also stated as plenipotentiary} power.” --- At the age of iron Brahman is asleep and has exhaled its micro-pluriforms as far from it as they be: they are sunk in ignorance, deformation and forgetfulness and sleep then the 2-part cycle starts them waking up, remembering, losing their occlusion: they are again in touch with Brahman (“cosmic intelligence”); then are inhaled, Brahman awakes – back “up” o “in,” and Shiva is the presiding God with his Dibba Cachu {?} eye, which annihilates the world and frees the pluriforms of Brahman by virtue of his lending them Ajna discernment (enlightenment). The 5th or final savior has come, this time as kind and judge. He calls his own {sheep} and destroys the others: this planet has served its purpose.

{88} It was as if my DNA tape was tricked (confused) into losing its clock-synchronized measured firing, and so fired the entire remainder of its programming at furious velocity – into the void; i.e. not synchronized with the outer tape: “external reality” – it needed no disinhibiting stimuli, etc., but simply exhausted its contents – even up to and including a postmortem existence. This tricking was done by emerging terror at the nearness of death, and sensory deprivation, plus the revelation of the fish sign and anamnesis, which may have started the DNA’s disorientation (and was so calculated to do), as to what the true time actually was (see supra my pages on how the organism seems to measure time: by rate of change alone). This DNA tape may have been fashioned to serve for more than this (i.e. one) lifetime. In which case my Karma may have burned itself up, freeing me from the wheel of rebirth. I am no longer a DNA robot. The outer (“external reality”) tape, of course, remained intact, since its flow-rate is not dependent on anything in me. But still, my programmed response to the Xerox missive did not take place. I was conscious at the time of programming, I was afraid it would succeed, but it didn’t; the override worked, and in time (time was of the essence). What I don’t normally realize is that had my DNA programmed response to the Xerox missive been acted out (whatever it would have been)

{89} the rest of my life would have been determined. That it was a cointelpro trap I have no doubt of, although I can’t determine if they would have busted me for possessing the Xerox missive or if they hoped I’d answer it. I guess they’d of had me either way.

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The info traffic, + Zebra, the macrobrain. + finally the abyss. There is great ambiance to sound. It's like distant bells. In the Book of Adam + Eve, as in Genesis, it is said that God Himself (1) occluded us; + (2) exiled us from the Garden to the prison as punishment for our transgressions. He did it to us + now he undoes it. We are deformed + in exile, cut off from him. But he took me back, through Christ (perhaps as Advocate; viz: "if anyman have sinned, he has an advocate with the Father."). God has dispatched a savior to restore [me]. Is this a selective salvation ("my sheep know my voice.")? It is not based on merit, perhaps, but is predestined (which Will Durant calls "that awful doctrine" - of Augustine's). But it must be so, it can't be based on merit; all of Paul's writing makes this clear. Merit is just another name for fulfilling the [law]. We can't earn our way back. The decision is [...] + the basis is impossible for us to know; that is a fact. There are no known criteria. There is absolutely no evidence that any given act or group of acts leads to it, so pragmatically, effectively, it is predestination de facto. If we can't know what will do it we can't be sure that anything will do it; anyway, if we don't know, it's the same thing. The initiative is God's. There probably is a pattern, a logic; it probably is not capricious - a whim. I know that in 3-74 some kind of "Karmic" determinism over me was broken. That was the power of our enslavement. Salvation = freedom, which I now construe as the burden of punishment: the exile + deformity. The narrowing of the Cave of Treasures. Release from the "inner-outer tape" that I discerned which the system locks us into. Then is is the normal system: the way it works. The way it's supposed to work. There may be no dualistic religion here. Just a hierarchy of levels. We were reduced by the same power that extricates us.

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mology simply presents it as a fact, to escape it we would have to allow the cosmos to decompose. Could we do that? The tragedy is that by the very nature of the sacrifice we make we are occluded from knowing why. This is part of our sacrifice: our Yang understanding. We must take on the dullness of Yin to save the cosmos; we sacrifice the knowledge of why we sacrifice, + assume guilt -spurious guilt- in its place. This is asking a lot. But consider who we really are. Or once were + will be again. Who else can do it? There is no one else. There is only Yin, which does not know. The part of the organism which knows must help the part which doesn't know, but this means abandoning its own knowing. It becomes what it helps, a dreadful irony, one that hurts. But it is only temporary, just for a little while. + then we go home for all eternity. As I used to pray: "Father, take me back." In 3-74 He did. The creation of each homoplasmate (such as myself in 3-74) indicates -+ is a part of- the reuniting of the upper + lower realms, + show that this is being accomplished. I (from the lower realm) was jointed to my upper realm matching counterpart; in this way the two realms are re-joined. My experience indicates that the two realms are no longer split, but are coming closer together now.

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I must return to orthodoxy, to a christology. A christocentric view; I have been corrected in my views, + by the savior himself, who spoke to me for the first time. We will not all be saved, whether I like it -approve of it- or not. He selects from among us. I cannot fathom the ways of God, of grace, of providence - except to know that He saved me, + it was He -Christ- who saved me, + that only He can save us. It would be nice, universal salvation, but The revelation of last night points to the truth of the doctrine of predestination. I was saved from the beginning, from the foundation of the world. As I wrote at 4:30 a.m. last night, I was doomed to be saved, an economical use of language + precise. It was my destiny + nothing could interrupt the process which fired in 2-3/74. I belong to him. I do not belong to myself, + nothing can take me from him, even Satan's desperate whispers in my head, his frantic noise. In 3/74 the fleshly stricture was removed from me, the original curse placed on us (on me). I was given back my bright nature by the God who gave it to me originally + then temporarily withdrew it. My period of thrall began thousands of years ago + ended on the Savior's birthday in 1974. The decision was not made in 3-74. The results came then, the end of the process. When I saw the Golden Fish I knew. This was what I knew: that He [...]ed + that He had chosen me, abolishing time + space in the doing of it: collapsing world itself into an eternal relationship that had always been so + would always be so: I was outside of time

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+ space forever, even when I returned to it. It was like the startle-response I had in the dream where the washerwoman presented me with the laundered patriotic trophy: the fight was over + I had won - doomed, so to speak, to win, + not based on any merit, good deed or act on my part; I had been extricated + placed in safety, the the battle was over with me safe (Saved). That trophy meant: the books are closed - + they were because of Christ + only because of Christ (my salvation had very practical consequences). This is what he has the power + authority to do - to end the battle in victory, extrication, salvation, + close the books forever. Adjudication, on/for me, regarding me, had been rendered - absolute, final + perfect adjudication. He acted -not only as savior- but as judge, final judge; the power + authority was vested in him by the Father, + in my case -regarding me- he exercised it (cf the E[...] on this aspect of Xtianity: the closing of the books on a person forever, in this life one way or the other, as with Ma'at after death). The masks (in the Canadian dream about Kathy) were removed when I saw the Golden Fish + knew in the blink of an eye, totally, what it was all about - + always had been. The "game" was over for me. + then in 3-74 I saw him i.e. Zebra: the divine macro plasmate, melting reality: it was all revealed to me, his presence + power + the vortex of authority: the creator + Noos (in the sense of Xenophanes).

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What I have not taken into account all this time is Christ as Judge, rather than simply Savior, my Savior. Now, at last, due to last night, I understand the absolute role of Christ Pantocrator: Judge + Lord of creation. He has the authority to judge +, as Zebra, is lord of the universe; it is his, just as I am his: I experienced him in 3 roles: Judge, Lord + Savior. The basis of his judgment will always be unknown to me - there flashes in my mind my experience with the beetle in Washington DC when I was a child, + the love + mercy I felt for it; maybe that was the act on my part which redeemed me; it's as good as any. As I showed love for that beetle, so He showed mercy + love for me, + extricated me when I was being tormented decades later. The child saved the later man, then; I sealed my fate... On such bases fates are sealed: the books are closed; + yet it was Christ who gave me understanding at that time of what I was doing + that it was wrong; I knew remorse, absolute remorse, in that instant I knew it all! I know nothing now I didn't know in that instant. I spared creation in microform in the thirties, + in the seventies it rushed furiously back to save me, returned to do for me what I had tried to do for it, all the force of my feelings then had traveled all around the globe of the universe, +, magnified into the macro, rushed furiously back to save me,

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in return; I:beetle, Christ:me. Why not? Why look further, deeper, searching for greater complexities? (It is something like Karma, a Xtian kind of Karma: in this life.) This may be why the 3-74 visions seemed to me to be an answer or answer to a question or questions, which I had asked a long time ago, at last arriving, having traveled millions of miles + many years. Maybe the beetle had offered up a preyer of thanks which was heard by the macrocosm; my divine nature began to return that day, with that insight: the curse began on that day to lift - the process started, + culminated in 2-3/74! Began as small as a mustard seed + grew at last into a kingdom. In that situation with the beetle my relationship to the universe changed + never changed back. ___ The realization of Christ as judge: it fits in with my basic + underlying sense of the universe (or reality, the hologram, world) being a teaching machine, presenting us with lessons to learn, it is obvious that finally some judge must decide if we learned or did not learn - failed or did not fail! This is the great assize; this is adjudication. It fits together. Then I can believe that whatever I was supposed to learn I did learn; I did not fail, + so was chosen by the Good Shepherd. So there is justice -divine justice- in the universe, but its dimensions are so vast, so much is taken into consideration, that we can't see its shape. But it is there. It works on too vast + complex a scale for our minds to fathom.

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20 - Notes

{1} October 10, 1978 Kerygma at this point: We created a fake world, went down into it voluntarily, and voluntarily shed our memories, and can’t get back out, but would like to. However, foreseeing this, we providentially laid down clues in advance, to remind us, when the going got too tough. These reminders would not only restore our memories of identity but also our powers, which we voluntarily let get occluded. Thus we descended into difficulties but not into a closed trap. We were brave, and willing to suffer, but not foolish. Perhaps we made an intellectual error in taking this delusional world for real, or deciding to take it for real; in any case we were smart enough to set the machinery for automatic extrication. Our motive for descending could be that we would not force our creatures to endure anything we would not endure. And for us to endure it we would have to strip ourselves of memory and supernatural (divine) faculties, and be like our creatures in every way – except that our reminder-clues would eventually start the extricating process, given enough time. I cannot believe that we made a moral error; i.e. sinned and were expelled from the gardenland, exiled to the prison, by our own creator. How could the creator occlude us, exile us, place us in the prison? How could he be responsible for taking the garden away from us? I do not believe it. Somehow we got trapped by the prison; i.e. trapped by the narrow, dark world, under the vast, light-filled garden. After much thought I am convinced that we chose to get trapped, although by setting up clues to remind us we kept it from being a trap. It is a prison with a door which we carefully left open by which to make our escape. The Savior is our own undescended self, our own unexiled and unoccluded self; i.e. our pristine self. We are all the parties involved: the creator, the master magician who rules this prison realm, the savior. We are the creatures to be saved. Tat tvam asi, is what I say. The fact that we are in a prison does not prove that we made a moral error. That is faulty reasoning, occlude reasoning – typically occluded reasoning. I admit that we may have originally made an epistemological error in taking this realm to be real, which it is not. But final analysis I think it was a deliberate choice. Therefore we have this consolation: our suffering was voluntarily assumed. I have evidence of the reminder-clues; this evidence serves then as evidence of a voluntary coming here, and a foreknowing of the problems involved, the possibility of getting stuck and needing an automatic way back out. I reason back from the clues to the original situation: inductive reasoning but still convincing to me. Had it been an accidental or involuntary “intellectual error” would those reminder-clues have been set up beforehand? {2} “the first book of Adam and Eve” “… and God commanded him [Adam] to dwell there in a cave in a rock – the cave of treason {treasure?}; below the garden. “… and as they came to [the cave of {treasures}] Adam wept over himself and said to Eve, ‘Look at this cave that is to be our prison in this world, and a place of punishment: What is it compared with the Garden? What is its narrowness compared with the space of the other? What is this rock, by the side of those groves? What is the gloom of this cavern, compared with the light of the garden? What is this overhanging ledge of rock to shelter us, compared with the mercy of the Lord that overshadowed us? What is the soil of this cave compared with the garden-land? This earth, strewed with stones, and that, planted with delicious fruit trees?’ And Adam said to Eve, ‘Look at thine eyes, and at mine, which afore beheld angels in heaven, praising; and they, too, without ceasing. But now we do not see as we did: our eyes have become flesh; they cannot see in like manner as they saw before.’ And Adam said again to Eve, ‘What is our body today, compared to what it was in former days, when we dwelt in the Garden?’ After this Adam did not like to enter the cave, under the overhanging rock, nor would he ever have entered it. But he bowed to God’s orders; and said to himself,

{2} ‘Unless I enter the cave, I shall again be a transgressor.’ “Adam raised his eyes, and saw the rock on the roof of the cave that covered him overhead so that he could see neither heaven, nor God’s creatures. So he wept…” “and the Lord said unto Adam and Eve, ‘You transgressed of your own free will, until you came out of the garden in which I had placed you of your own free will you transgressed through your desire for divinity, greatness, and an exalted state, such as I have; so that I deprived you of the bright nature in which you there were, and I made you come out of the garden to this land rough and full of trouble.’ “Then Adam wept and said, ‘O God, when we dwell in the garden, and our hearts were lifted up, we saw the angels that sang praises in heaven, but now we do not see as we were used to do; now when we entered the cave, all creation be {page becomes diagonal and much of it is unreadable due to a poor scan}

{4} Will bring thee back into the garden, thee and thy righteous seed.’ And God ceased to communicate with Adam. “[They] came and entered the cave of treasures but when in it Adam could not see Eve, he only heard the noise she made. Neither could she see Adam, but heard the noise he made. “[He] said to Eve, ‘Where art thou?’ and she said unto him, ‘Lo, I am standing in this darkness.’ He then said to her, ‘remember the bright nature in which we lived, when we abode in the garden? O Eve! Remember the glory that rested on us in the Garden, o Eve!~ remember the trees that overshadowed us in the garden while we moved among them o Eve! Remember that while we were in the garden, we knew neither night nor day. Think of the tree of life from below which flowed the water, and that shed luster over us! Remember, o eve, the garden-land, and the brightness thereof! Think, oh think of that garden in which was no darkness, while we dwelt there in whereas no sooner did we come into this cave of treasures than darkness composed all round about; until we could no longer see each other; and all the pleasure of this life has come to an end. “’For I [God] made thee of the light, and I willed to bring out children of light from thee and like unto thee. But though didst not heed one day my commandment.

{5} “’…until the fulfillment of my covenant; where I will save thee and bring thee back again into the Garden, into the abode of light which these longest for, wherein is no darkness. I will bring thee to it – in the kingdom of heaven… all this misery that thou hast been made to take upon thee because of thy transgression, {?} not free thee from the hand of Satan, and will not save thee. But I will. When I shall come down from heaven, and shall become flesh of thy seed, and take upon me the infirmity from which thou sufferest, then the darkness that came upon thee is this cave shall come upon me in the grave, when I am the flesh at thy seed. And I, who am without years, shall be subject to the {reckoning} of the years, of times of months, and of days, and I shall be reckoned as me of the sons of men, in order to save them. Thus the occlusion of faculties, but the promise of restoration, back to the garden, which is the kingdom. It is specifically said, we are now in a dark prison which is small – and the garden was vast (of my sense of augmented space in 3-74, as well as my perception that we were living in a prison; and then eleven months later I was briefly in the garden) so small dark prison and perceptual occlusion vs vast garden of light and full perception: 1) Bip vs the PTG. 2) Occlusion (blindness) vs seeing what is afar^1 Exactly what I experienced ^1 ie higher levels of creation!

{6} So my contrast of BIP/PTG, occlusion or blindness/seeing higher levels of creation is a basic Jewish-Christian {substation} of worldview and one of the most basic, and entirely in accord with orthodoxy. By 2-74 to 2-75 experience was a restoration 1) of my faculties (ie myself to what I originally was); and 2) I was removed from the BIP and from the power of the BIP and restored to the Gardn, the kingdom of God, in fulfillment of God’s promise, via Christ. My original bright nature (of light) was restored, and I was taken back home. To where I originally came from. Restored person, restored place, all conditions, inner (me) and outer (world) as they should be, and had once been. Out of the dark narrow prison! Is there a causal relationship between restored person and restored place? Can you have one without the other? And I causually connected, which is caused which is effect, or are they just inner-outer parallel equals? A dual (binary) restoration? Am I one of the “second Adam” race? And how many other people has this happened to? More important, does my inner (self)/outer (world) restoration signify (signal) that the time of the fulfillment of God’s promise (of salvation) has at least, (historically, generally) come? I have reason indeed to believe that it has come: 1) The St. Sophia prophecy. 2) The Buddha prophecy. 3) The head Apollo prophecy. 4) The “the time you’ve waited for has come” statement 5) The dream and code in “Tears” 6) The AI voice of my 2-74 – 2-75 experience in themselves 7) The overthrow by God of Nixon.

{7} This list of seven indications is overwhelmingly impressive. What other conclusion that that the 2nd advent has come could be reached? IF I reject this, I must assume I am unique in the whole scheme of things, which is absurd. Obviously I am not unique, an anomaly – OBVIOUSLY I and my experience are part of a vast supernatural unfolding. What I feel I’ve here in these six pages is: 1) The BIP which I saw in 3-74 and realize we’re in is the “cave of treasures” to which we were exiled when we were expelled from the garden, in some sense it is beneath the garden. 2) The PTG which I entered briefly in 2-75 is our original home, the garden-land. 3) The augmentation of my faculties in 3-74 was in fact a restoration of me to the original not fallen proper state associated with our first place (Garden) and condition. 4) And that this restoration, inner and outer, was triggered all by the [golden] fish (Christ) sign proves that 1, 2 and 3 are so, and that they are accomplished through Christ, as promised. And I saw Zebra, who I think is Christ, he was “melting” the iron prison, the causal bars that hold us in thrall. I was granted all this immediately upon the successful completion of my appointed task: telling the good news in “Tears.” This immediate salvation is actually a further piece of proof. I was thereby enabled to read

{8} What had been written through me in “tears.” Wait- I see something important. “You aren’t to tell that you’re an early xtian.” Why? Because the resurrecting of the early xtians {Curhich} happened in was in 2-3(74; ie Thomas and my anamnesis) is an absolute sign that the 2nd advent is about to take place. Talk about exultance! This piece is truly startling. Like astral returning (signaling the return of the Golden age) the rebirth (now) of the original Christians points to only one thing, and of course their identity (locale; ie who they’re resurrected in) must be kept secret so I deduce that I (or rather Thomas) is one of a number of them. I brought back, for openers, in connection with the Nixon (Roman) overthrow. The early xtians being resurrected (now) are the sold homoplasmates (i.e. restored-to-our-original-stamen; see supra 6 pages); they are not fallen like us, but are, as promised, renewed. This, too, fills with scripture; they died, and are reborn this way: as we were before the fall. It was Thomas who had the enhanced {reinory} and percept faculties, and was able to see the BIP and knew about it –had fought it- and entered at last the PTG. So homoplasmate=unfallen (or fallen and then restored) men= resurrected early xtians. This is all in accord with scripture; fundamentals of it in fact.

{9} Existence. I stress the two aspects: 1) Physical resurrection of the early xtain dead is involved. 2) And they are fully restored to the original pre-fall state (what I call homoplasmates) I had not realized before that both aspects are involved. Perhaps I will never understand the mechanics involved. But I do know that (1) and (2) are taking place, and these are two basic promises of the text. What remains are: 3) The defeat of Satan (ie the blowing up of the BIP, the “cave of treasures” and restoration of man to his home. The Gardenland), (with its vast spaces in which he can set all [levels of creation) (This, too, seems to be taking place.) and: 4) Return of the rightful king and judge. ({Rex and Felix}) (“Tears” and other evidence –prophecies, - seem to point to this either now happening or soon to happen.) These four aspects are the total N.T. kerygma as I understand it. This analysis is a milestone in my exegesis. Do you suppose that the resurrection (1) and restoration (2) make it possible for us to see (3) being accomplished and finally (4)? That there is a causal correlation in this 1,2,3,4 sequence? The physical resurrection of the early xtian (1) brings about a restoration of the pre-fallen “{Flaw} of Bright nature” (2), by whose enhanced faculties the prison is seem, and, in conjunction with God, these “homoplasmates,” –as I call them- blow up the prison and release men back to their original home. The Garden Land (3); God, in assisting and doing this, at first concealed at last makes his visible reappearance as King and Judge here (4), so these four elements are listed in chonological and caual –not arbitrary- sequence.

{11} That it was not limited to one but was a vast historical upheaval is proved by 1) The “Re{x, v} Felix” dream and code in “Tears” obviously directed by someone plural. 2) And the overthrow of the Nixon tyranny, the most powerful tyrant the Empire has ever possessed. So actual – as contrasted to spurious- time moved forward in 1974, due to God’s (“Zebra’s”) in {breaking} it picked up where it left off in CADYS. _ “A vortex in the hologram,” ? Synchronicity or control of synchronicity. _ And one early xtian can be physically resurrected, and in his pre-fallen “bright” state (what will; it is not measureable to associate it’s limited to one out of x; and the code message in “Tears” would verify this. And if they are out of the prison and restored back to the Garden – if every one is- then the Garden exists. The garden in all sense is a place. But in another sense it is a state that of being free of (“above”) the prison and its narrowness. It is vast, and in it one can see all levels of creation: God and the angels above, not “a ledge of rock.” The garden is obviously one level up from the “cave of treasures.” There is one thing to do with “being able to see objects afar” us ^see {?} mere “fleshy eyes,” which I well understand, the prison perceptual occlusion is visual (although auditory challs are impaired, too). I experienced this return of proper vision and said, “I have been blind, but now for the first time I can see.” This has to do with augmented versus reduced perception of space and, seen, too, is what extended present, stretching over 2000 years of time.

{12} The info traffic, and zebra the macro brain, and finally the abyss. There is great ambiance to sound it’s like distant bells. In the book of Adam and Eve, as in Genesis, it said that God Himself (1) occluded us; and (2) exiled from the Garden to the prison as punishment for our transgression. He did it to us and now he undoes it. We are deformed and in exile, cut off from him. But he took me back, through Christ (perhaps as {advocate viz} “if anyman have sinned, he has an advocate with the Father.”) God has dispatched a savior to restore it. Is this a selective salvation (“my sheep know one voice.”)? it is not based on merit, perhaps. But is predestined (which Will Durant calls “that awful doctrine” –of Augustine’s). But it must be so, it can’t be based on merit; all of Paul’s writing makes this clear. Merit is just another name for fulfilling the Law. We can’t earn our way back. The decision is {clear} and the basis is impossible for us to know; that is a fact. There are no known criteria there is absolutely no evidence that any given act or group of acts leads to it, so pragmatically, effectively, it is predestination de facto. IF we can’t know what will do it we can’t be sure that anything will do it, anyway, if we don’t know, it’s the same thing. The initiation is God’s. The decision is God’s. The logic is God’s. There probably is a pattern, a logic; it probably is not capricious – a whim. I know that in 3-74 some kind of “Karmic” determinism over me was broken. That was the power of our enslavement. Salvation = freedom, which I now construe as the burden of punishment; the exile and deformity. The narrowing of the cave of treasures and release from the “inner-outer take” that I discerned which the system locks us into. Then is is the normal system; the way it works. The way it’s supposed to work. There may be no dualistic religion here. {doubt} of hierarchy of levels. We were reduced by the same power that extricates us.

{13} This could be so: I did see an integration mechanism, a vast machine which effectively formations. (I saw us being signaled instructions – {said} of lights, and of course verbal and graphic linked messages that control (engram) us.) But I did see a black {ikm} prison under attack like a heavy metal speck stuck in an organism like a phagocytosis process. There was certainly a dialectic interchange involved. This makes our stint here a sort of probation outside the Gardenland, our trial, our ordeal, what we have to learn. I suppose I could think of it in terms of initiation into the higher mysteries, as in “the {magic} flute,” after the trials. There is something secret about it; e.g. I am told by the voice not to tell that I was an early xtian (resurrected, and with the bright originally unfallen nature intact: what I call a homoplasmate). And I generally feel a reluctance to make a discovery and theories, and revelations public. This is distinctly not pistis xtianity but, I guess, gnostic (or even {heretical}). Christ as high priest who performs the exculpatory of salvific act (nites), although most of my system is orthodox. Still, the whole disclosure that we are in prison (the cave of treasures) –it is orthodox and yet it is not, for I conceive of an evil deity imprisoned us, the master magician (ie Palmer Eldritch). I see us as unjustly imprisoned; we may have made a plane ordinal error. But it was intellectual, not moral, love mistook this spurious world for reality. Thus we labor under a delusion, and it is one thrust on us calculatedly. This counterfeit world was deliberately designed to fool us, through an adventitious agency (the savior) we must be made to see it is

{14} Irreal; as in “Scanner” we are unaware of our occlusion and hence where we are. That is very basic and very important- we made a primordial error, all right, and, as in the Book of Adam and Eve it led to our exclusion from our primordial original home, the garden, and imprisonment in this prison. But the error was intellectual, taking the irreal to be real. The road to salvation is an epistemological one, not ethical – but it is useless for us to try on our own, since the specific nature of our occlusion defeats us. Only Christ can save the like {runciter} or Ubik, from “outside.” We die and are born here again and again, no more enlightened each time, unless he intervenes. At a single bold stroke the delusive power of this world, this prison, must be broken over us, as it was with me in 2-3/74. But my 25 years of writing and world view have to precede 2-3/74, had to lead up to it. Thus I say, my writing is an antidote to the delusion, to the occlusion (intoxication). Since the original error (“sin”) is intellectual, not moral then the antidote is knowledge; and the installment of that salvific gnosis is pansophiaism . the secret agents of that gnosis are invisible {themetic} paracelsusian adepts, and the goal of it is the creation of what I call homo plasm. {teig throw} the mystical conjunction (wedding). Because of the seel-world push-pull system which I believe exists there is no way to demonstrate the intellectual error (the spuriousness of world and rather worlds plural). Thus the savior, who enters the situation from outside, is necessary. Once his faculties were restored and I could see him (Zebra)

Word Doc of Notes

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the world). + now you get to leave," which means that the ontological, saving Gnosis comes to you if you pick up on certain clues here + there + arrive at the acosmism - the Kerygma expressed in "Eye" the 3 Bantam Novels, "Tears," + "Scanner," etc. - + then the "masks are removed" + the truth revealed - but it is a truth you already at least partially figured out.

I didn't think of this. What if the conditions of the Game are these? Extrication comes only as a result of - or after - self intellectual correct formulation? then - Zebra is built into the Maze as the link back up to the outside (cf "Ubik"), to the real world. I literally found my way out of the Maze

So there is a way out: I defeated the Maze enough, successfully enough, to trip the anamnesis circuits into firing. i.e. the way back out.

The Golden Fish was causally determined to occur given the level of enlightenment I had reached. It was culmination, not so much override invention: it was ahead on the path (which is why it appears in "Faith of..."!).

Then the Maze has not won over me. As of 2-74 I was back out. That's what happened in 2-74 - I found the way out of the Maze, + only by viewing the condition ("world") as Maze + way-out-of-maze can 2-74 be understood.

This is why Christ spoke in riddles. We're supposed to problem (puzzle) solve on our own by our own efforts. Maybe he crucially helps us, but, - our efforts are necessary, our moral +

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New line of reasoning: it was the Holy Spirit which came to me (not the Gnostic vision per se, but containing elements of it such as the James-James genius-madman creator-god) because, in coming to me, it fulfilled all which has been prophesied. I.e. the final days or Apocalypse. (Parousia) It brought time, linear time, through its stages to its end. Incidentally the book THE OCCULT AND THE THIRD REICH has a quotation about the Cathars in which the Paraclete is said to be the female side of God.

My nitrous oxide "vine and its lopped-off branches which we placed in a godless cosmos, either as punishment for thinking they could get along without God, or just "started" in that godless cosmos as cuttings" -- this is the basis of a rather different cosmogony and cosmology than any I know of . It is slightly Gnostic, inasmuch as it assigns no God to this cosmos, but -- the Fall is there, and the God is good, not evil; he just isn't here, but elsewhere. Herewith, a somewhat new cosmogony/cosmology may have been revealed to me, than is found anywhere else. It is not Gnostic, inasmuch as the God who created this cosmos is in no sense evil, and there was the classic fall from the Golden Age (of being part of the vine with Him), but what is new is the explanation of why he is the deux absconditus, why we see no sign of him (he is waiting to see which of us need to return or want to return, those who grieve for him). This would account for the Gnostic sense of alienation, of being a stranger in this world, of God and man vs the world -- without positing an evil god. Also, it would well fit into my personal epistemology that this world is in some sense not real, which is not a Gnostic intuition. If the "lopped of cuttings from the vine is added to my radical epistemology, we have, do we not, a new cosmogony/cosmology, which in a sense reconciles Gnosticism with orthodox Christianity. Perhaps the True God did not create this cosmos, but consigned its creation to "James-James," which would make my view more toward the Gnostic view. I can easily fit this in with my "lopped-off cuttings from the vine" revelation. Unless we can sense the sickness of this cosmos, if instead it feels natural to us, then we are equated to it, will remain in it and deserve to. But if we (among the longing and nostalgia and grieving) can discern the sickness in this cosmos, then we are becoming sane, or are the sane ones, and return to the sane god (who, in this sick cosmos, is, as Dionysos, regarded as mad which in fact he alone is not). In a cosmos created by a sick god, a penetration by the sane God would seem the penetration by a sick one; the labels are all backward. In other words, perhaps this cosmos (world) was mad --is-- deliberately alien for a good (benign) reason; the supreme Wise Mind, God, could have deliberately allowed the cosmos where the cuttings went to be a sick cosmos, the more to stimulate them to long to return to him. This is not punishment; this is a set of clues, a mystery and a puzzle, which we must solve, the essence of the puzzle being, "If God is good, why is there evil?" As Gnosticism intuits, the evil demiurge does not know of the existence of the One True benign God in the pleroma above him. The demiurge cannot fathom (like Joe Chip in UBIK) these incursions into his cosmos; naturally he would regard them,

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Spinoza, in his monism, foundered at this point and had to the deny the existence of miracles (intervention) altogether. Intervention signifies the existence of a powerful, all-knowing, all-caring (loving) divine deity, but then how did evil arise (as well as the above problem of explaining how we would come to intervene in his own world). The two questions derive from the same issue, and one answer handles both which is the Gnostic answer: the creator god is not the same God who intervenes. But I split with the Gnostics wherein I say, "The true divine good deity allowed or even encouraged the 'James-James' sick demiurge to create his tacky quasi-cosmos, his ersatz, counterfeit cosmos." We are graded, which is to say emancipated, according to what we find (if we do find anything) objectionable about this world. Thus we are not only confronted by a skillful teaching machine but one which grades our responses and thus either repeats an unlearned lesson or carries us upward to be the next in order. I think that in the final analysis, ethical considerations are salient. This involves ethical choices on our parts (existential view) and the perception of ethical disfigurement not of our own doing but not acceptable to us. The two interlink, the observation (analysis) that there is something wrong ethically with our world, and the ethical imperitives [sic] we feel to act or not act and in what way. Proper observation and action alienates us from the world, and puts us in the man and God vs the world situation of the Gnostic system. The fact is, this world presents us with ethical problems which for all intents and purposes admit to no solution; as Father Reed said to me when I was taking religious instruction, "We do not have a choice between good and evil but between greater and lesser evils." Thereby one knows this to be either a fallen world or a bungled (or even evil) world, since, as Father Reed pointed out, we are forced to do evil. I think, though that we fell before there was a cosmos here, that we rebelled against the True Vine and claimed we could get by on our own. Perhaps the demiurge who created this cosmos was our leader, the highest of us all. Anyhow, here we are, trying to determine which is the lesser of the evils presented to us. If the true benign God allowed creation to fall, then he obviously erred, and orthodoxy cannot give an adequate explanation of this, as the dualistic religions can. But if we, as parts of the true vine, revolted and were then lopped off, and our leader was permitted to create this world for us -- no questions remain, if the fall is presumed to be cosmic, and to precede creation. THe good God's role is (1) to extricate us from this world; (2) to transmute this world into a true cosmos, which is exactly what it has never been. In Feb of 1974 I momentarily withdrew assent to the reality of this world; a month later this world underwent visible changes, and its true nature became perceptible to me: it is, as the Gnostics said, a prison. It is there, but it is not as it appears to be. The immediate reaction to the anomie in the world is to say simply that it is out of control. If it is there in the world is to say simply that it is out of control. If it is there to reawaken us to our divine origins, however, its malign aspects serve a good purpose. What each of us must do is repudiate the world, which is to say, deny it while at the same time affirming a sanctified alternate reality, which I did vis-a-vis the golden fish sign; the false quasi-cosmos was denied and the true sacred reality was affirmed. It was a single act, a movement away from the first to the second. I think I've figured out the basic move necessary: an ethical balking. That is how the world-denying begins. That is the first step in

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